It’s Okay to Grieve Over Little Things.
Over the past few months, as we have all dealt with a rapidly changing situation, there have been many valuable things, big and small, that we had to give up. Whether it’s canceling events like birthdays, proms, weddings, unique trips, losing a livelihood, or caring for loved ones, there has been a tremendous amount of stress, worry, and anxiety over the past few months. Countless sacrifices have been made, small and large.
Along with all this comes a feeling of grief. As grief expert David Kessler, co-author of Grief and Sorrow: Finding the Meaning of Grief in the Five Stages of Loss, said in an interview with Harvard Business Review : “Loss of normality; fear of economic losses; loss of communication. It hits us and we grieve. Collectively. We are not used to such collective chagrin in the air. “
Grieving for small losses
According to psychologist Robin Gurvich, Ph.D. , professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center , even the little things – canceled prom, missed goodbyes – can be grieved.
“We can still grieve for our losses and have empathy and empathy for sick people,” says Gurvich.
Gurvich notes that in addition to our primary concern about the illness of our loved ones, we also worry about many secondary adversities. Some of us have lost our jobs. Some people have lost the small business they have been building for years. Others have jobs that put them in danger, be it working in a hospital or a grocery store.
We are all trying to navigate a new world that is very different from what it looked like just a few months ago. This includes both big and small changes.
“There are so many layers,” says Gurvich.
What else can you value?
In all this commotion, it’s normal to be upset over little things and it’s normal to find joy in small moments.
As an example, Gurwich, who began her career as a psychologist in Oklahoma City right during the explosion, points to parents who felt it was inappropriate to host a party for their child, given everything that happened.
But, as she notes, a birthday can mean a whole world for a young child, even amid unimaginable losses. It’s the same with the little joys happening right now, in the midst of a pandemic.
“Are there things you can still appreciate during the worst of times?” – says Gurvich.
If you are struggling, get help
Gurvich cautiously notes that contrary to popular belief, what doesn’t kill us does not guarantee that we will grow stronger. For people who struggled before all this happened, the stress of the situation can exacerbate any pre-existing problems. This is especially true for young children. If you are struggling, feeling overwhelmed by what is happening, it is especially important to seek help.
“Nobody should do it alone,” says Gurvich.
Some of the organizations that have raised resources include the National Childhood Traumatic Stress Network, the Traumatic Stress Research Center , and a disaster relief hotline operated by the Office of Drug Addiction and Mental Health Services, which can be contacted at 1-800- 985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746 to contact a qualified crisis counselor.