Helping Elderly Family and Friends During the Coronavirus Outbreak
We should all practice “social distancing” these days – and if you regularly visit, check in, or look after an elderly relative, you may wonder if that means you should stop visiting them.
The answer is … well, it is difficult and I am not in a position to provide any prescriptive advice. Note that, as you probably already know, older people (especially those with preexisting medical conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or lung disease) are considered to be more at risk.
This means that if they end up contracting COVID-19, there is an increased risk that they could develop a more serious illness, such as pneumonia, and there is an increased risk that they could die.
Since you may contract the coronavirus without knowing it (your symptoms may not have appeared yet; you may not realize that coughing is more than a manifestation of your allergy), you may inadvertently transmit the disease to your elderly loved one during an accidental visit. If you visit someone who lives in a nursing home or care facility, you run the risk of accidentally transferring COVID-19 to a high-risk group.
On the other hand, if you don’t check your loved ones, they run the risk of developing social isolation, which is a serious problem, especially for the elderly. As Jenny Anderson writes in Quartz :
Telling my mother to walk away from the world seems like the opposite of everything I know about how to respond to a crisis. Like most people who have lived to 80 years old, my mother has suffered many losses – a son and husband in recent years, not to mention many friends. Connecting with others is part of what saved her from the anger and despair that are natural companions of deep grief and suffering. Now, to minimize her chances of contracting the coronavirus, I ask her to stop doing what we have encouraged her to do for years: get out, explore, embrace the world.
Or, as Jameel Zaki explains in the Washington Post :
Social distancing is needed right now, but social connections are also needed. Our televisions and social media are throbbing with worry. The most vulnerable to COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus – for example, the elderly – are also most susceptible to paralyzing isolation. If we allow physical distance to become chronic, widespread loneliness, we risk adding a mental health crisis to a viral one. Loneliness can also lead people to ignore public health advice, increasing our collective risk.
So what needs to be done?
One option is to use technology. Use FaceTime, Skype, Facebook Portal, or similar video chat services to chat face-to-face with loved ones. If your elderly family and friends do not have access to these services, call them on the phone. Every day. Maybe twice a day if you can.
Do your part to help your loved ones feel connected, give them the opportunity to share their thoughts and concerns, and remind them that you are still there for them even if you may not be there in person.
The CDC also has tips for caring for older loved ones:
- Find out what medications your loved one is taking and consider if you can help them get more on hand.
- Keep track of essential food and other medical supplies (oxygen, incontinence, dialysis, wound care) and create a contingency plan.
- Stock up on non-perishable food items on hand to minimize shopping trips.
- If you are caring for a loved one living in a care facility, keep an eye on the situation, ask frequently about the health of other residents, and know the protocol if there is an outbreak.
Remember, there are ways to get food and supplies to elderly relatives without breaking social distancing rules. You can order a variety of daily necessities online and have them delivered to your loved one’s doorstep. You can throw them off yourself and wave to your loved one through the window. If your loved one is in a nursing home or care facility, ask staff what they need and / or recommend (for example, they may ask you to stay completely away) and then follow their advice.
And if you are visiting elderly relatives and friends in person, wash your hands immediately upon arrival and consider limiting physical contact. But if you are feeling sick – even a little sick – you are probably better off staying at home.