Try the When / Then Trick to Get the Kids to Follow Directions
Sometimes, from time to time, the child simply does not want to obey. Do they need to go for boots? No, it’s not . Is it time for a swim? Thanks, but no . Do you want them to put away their toys? Not interesting . That’s when you use the when / then trick.
Angela Elias writes for PopSugar that she learned this method from Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions course, and it looks like this:
Let’s say I ask my son to take his toys or wash his hands, and he ignores my request, offers an excuse why he cannot do it, or flatly refuses. Instead of constantly asking him to do it and eventually loses his cool with a “better do this or else” threat, now I calmly explained that, when he makes an undesirable task, he can do what he looks ahead. Then I leave.
For example, I might say when you pick up your toys, then you can watch the show. When you wash your hands, you can have a snack.
For this to work, “then” must be what they want. “When you get the pajamas, then you can go to sleep,” is not going to get you results. But, “When you get the coat, then we can go to the site,” should cause some concern.
Elias reports that when she first used this method with her son, it took him a while to come to the conclusion that he was responsible for what he wanted (snack) – he just had to comply with the terms she lay for him (wash your hands ). But she remained calm, avoided being drawn into a power struggle, and he ended up washing his hands.
The phrase “when / then” also sounds less bribery than “if / then”. If you put your toys away, you can watch the show sound like you are buying them for screen time. When / what is more about managing the order and flow of events with privileges that you would allow anyway.