Should You Force Your Children to Send Thank You Notes?
If I had to guess, I would tell you before motherhood that I would be the parent who would be an ardent advocate for her child to send thank you cards after receiving birthday or holiday gifts. You can probably get a feel for where this is heading.
I definitely sent them out once, a stack of notes written by me and painstakingly signed by my son in the early days when he learned to write his own name. In the years that followed, I went so far as to buy thank-you cards, so I was sure I would make it a priority – only to postpone it so long that it ended up being a distant memory of his party.
I want my child to be grateful and show his appreciation, and I know that in terms of etiquette, a personal thank you is not a substitute for a written thank you letter. But my son has a tendency to thank donors personally with such sincerity that I took the liberty of setting aside the written notes as “what we will eventually start doing.”
Instead of a physical thank you note, I often chose the simpler digital output with a photo or video in which my son would either open the gift or play with it later. I am sending this to the donor to illustrate his enjoyment of it, especially if they were not with us in person when he received it. Or, as former Offspring editor Michelle Wu once suggested, you can send a personalized thank you video on the day you receive your gift.
You can also be strict and insist that they write a thank you note before they start playing with a toy or spending money. But I didn’t, and when I came across an article on Thank You Notes on Lucy’s List , I wondered again if I was missing out on a major opportunity to raise gratitude by not letting him take responsibility for the task.
On the other hand, out of all the dozens of children’s birthdays he has been to in his life and the countless gifts he has given other children, I think he received thank-you letters, maybe … twice? The biggest. And it never bothered me. The birthday boy or girl thanks you at the party and we all go on with our lives.
I’m curious what you think. If you have kids writing thank you notes, at what age did you start? How much have you helped? How do you feel about these short, standard blank cards (“To ___, thanks for ___. From, ___.”) That take over most of the work but can help you take notes? habit.
Do you and your children send letters of thanks for all gifts received or just for gifts on specific occasions? Or do you leave notes for someone who takes their time, such as a beloved teacher?
Let us know your strategy for creating thank you emails in the comments.