Ask for Gifts That You Really Need When You Expect
The baby really needs so many overalls. It’s nice to have several different reception blankets; but twelve blankets are too much. Babies outgrow so much of what they buy before they wear or use up enough to make it even look used. But you know what never goes to waste? Time. Convenience. Memories.
We’ve previously written about how you should add services to your infant registry – food delivery, house cleaning, or postpartum doula, to name just a few. While our culture has been slow to accept non-commodity registries, I personally never understood why it was reckless to ask for a guided honeymoon tour rather than, say, an ice cream maker that you’re only going to use once.
However, we are becoming more open as sites like GoFundMe make it easier for people to seek financial support in the midst of a crisis. Plus, more and more of us are living a minimalist lifestyle – or at least trying not to be overly wasteful by casually filling our landfills with plastic waste our kids barely use.
Honestly, when you’re expecting a baby, especially if it’s your first, you do have a legitimate need for “gear”. Crib. Stroller. Car seat. Etc. But there is a fine line between “We need these items to prepare our lives for the birth of a baby” and “Now I’m just adding things because it’s cute, and Aunt Allison is constantly asking for new ideas.” When you get to this point, ask yourself: what do I really need? What will make my life easier or less stressful when my baby is born?
You can certainly start with postpartum services: meal planning, a weekly night nurse to let you rest one night from time to time, or a breastfeeding counselor. But there may be other unconventional things that you didn’t think to ask for that will be more valuable to you than a really cute pair of baby shoes that your child will never wear. And you can customize the registry for these non-subject items. wishes on Plumfund , which is similar to GoFundMe for parents-to-be.
Childcare
It is unrealistic for most of us to expect our family members to be able or will fund ongoing childcare services. But maybe you really want a nanny to take care of your baby at home in the first year of his life; but you cannot afford the additional costs. Or there is a really good kindergarten, which costs a little more per month than other options, but with the money already it will be quite small.
Or maybe you just want to create a “childcare fund” so that you and your partner can actually go out to dinner once a month, as you promised each other. If a friend had asked for this during pregnancy, I personally would have been delighted. A little extra money to pay for the care of a baby you need or need can relieve some of the financial pressure in those early months.
Travel
Maybe you know you want your mom to visit you often after the baby is born, but she is half way away from you and cannot afford to fly back and forth all the time. Or maybe you desperately need your best friend to come and visit so that you feel as one for a while.
Text messages and FaceTime are not suitable when you are a new parent and need the support of loved ones. You can ask for help with airline ticket funding to get yourself in order, or for you to travel with an infant to show off your new family member for the first time.
Equipment for later
When you register for all the activities, you haven’t even met your child yet. You have no idea if your child loves swing or hates swing. This is splashing while swimming or screamers before swimming. Will breastfeed or not. So while you certainly need some basics to get started, it would also be a good idea to set aside a small fund to buy the gear you will be using once you figure out if the cost will pay off for your particular child?
You can start something I just came up with, the Future Gear Fund, where you can use everyone’s money much better when you really find out if your child loves a nice long stroller ride (the spring for this stroller .!) or not (it’s a good thing you didn’t spend someone else’s money on a stroller).
If you can think of this — and it’s helpful to you — turn it into a registry, and all the money that would have been spent filling the nursery with stuffed animals will now help you in a more concrete and personal way.