How an Introvert Can Survive at a Party or Party
Over the past few years, we’ve heard a lot about the differences between introverts and extroverts, including on this site . Regardless of that, consider whether you that the differences are significant , certainly there are people who read the description of the introverted and deeply identify with them, making them feel less lonely. But simply identifying yourself as an introvert won’t help you at parties and other social gatherings where you are expected to interact with other people. Here are some tips and strategies to help you cope with these situations – ideally, without you completely hating it all.
Find out when to go out
Socialization is as inevitable as it is beneficial, even for introverts. However, as with any diet, there are certain things that are good for you and some that you can probably skip. Here are some situations that you can avoid and others that you probably cannot.
What you can (if you wish) avoid
- I go to the bar / coffee shop every week. The clichés about hanging out at local booze (which we can blame friends for and how I met your mother) are common, but usually not necessary. If your friends just want to chill out in a noisy, crowded place, you can probably skip some of these walks.
- Weddings / parties / etc for people you hardly know. For some, going to their best friend’s ex-roommate’s aunt’s wedding is a blast because they think weddings are cool. If you’re an introvert, it’s okay to have special events for people you really know (unless you are needed as support for another introverted friend who can’t get out of it).
- Go anywhere to “meet people” for the purpose of dating. If you are single and don’t want to be, you need to get to know people. This is how life works. However, online opportunities have never been better . This doesn’t mean meeting people in person is a bad idea, but if you don’t feel it, don’t push yourself.
What shouldn’t (or shouldn’t) be avoided
- Work activities that require intensive network work. Your job is not like your social life. The rat race doesn’t slow down because you like Netflix more than karaoke. While you may not need to go to every corporate party, you should come to talk to your coworkers (as well as strangers) on a semi-regular basis if you want to move up the career ladder.
- Special occasions for close friends and family. It goes without saying that Christmas with your family, your best friend’s birthday, or your sister’s wedding are all events you should probably go to, whether you like it or not. Sorry friend, but we all have our social obligations.
- Your own special events. You have birthdays, promotions and reasons to celebrate. If you don’t want to do anything complicated or loud for your own parties, no big deal. But chances are your friends will want to do something . The plus is that you can dictate the circumstances. It’s not strictly necessary, but going out before an event and planning something low-key can not only help you cope with the incentive, but it can also strengthen your relationship. After all, they wouldn’t want to celebrate with you if they didn’t care.
Of course, this does not mean that you can only jump to events from the correct list. However, if you are looking for something to avoid, it is probably best to choose from the first list. These aren’t hard and fast rules (I’ve avoided many of my own birthdays), but when it comes to prioritizing your time and energy, some events are worth more than others.
Have a goal to walk
It may seem as enjoyable as filling out a pile of paperwork to get a sandwich , but the specific purpose of the trip can make communication easier. Are you going online for your career? Give yourself a socializing quota . Celebrating a friend’s birthday? Focus on them for most of the evening (but give them the opportunity to talk to other people as well). Trying to meet someone on a date? Talk to attractive people you don’t know.
Having a goal helps you determine what you want to accomplish on a walk, but more importantly, it keeps your brain focused. Part of the problem with introverts in large public gatherings is the constant flow of external stimuli. When you assign yourself a specific task, you focus on your brain so that it is less focused on noisy music or bright lights.
End your walk with a quiet before and after time
One of the key differences between introverts and extroverts is that introverts charge their metaphorical batteries with loneliness, while extroverts tend to enjoy crowd and excitement. While your extroverted friends come to the party to recharge like an introvert, you need to prepare with your own fuel.
If possible, be sure to take some time for yourself before heading out to the evening to chat. Read a book, watch something on Netflix, take a walk or do something that relaxes you. Then, when you feel aroused, head to the party. If you try to head straight from work or spend an entire day with other people at a party, you will find it difficult to maintain a high energy level.
When you get out, give yourself some space on the tail as well. Whether you’re taking a day off the next day, or leaving the party early to unwind after watching Futurama for the fifteenth time, free up space on your schedule to regain some of your energy. You will not only have a place for yourself after the pleasures, but you will also have something that you can count on later so that you do not feel overwhelmed or overwhelmed by the group.
Find (or do) quiet shelter to rest
Making time before going to the party is a great way to prepare for socializing, but your tank may run out before the evening is over. When you first arrive, find a place to retreat to if you need time. This could be a patio, a kitchen, a bathroom, or even just your car.
As Psychology Today explains , these moments alone provide some much needed relief from the various stimuli that overwhelm the introvert’s brain. You don’t want to spend all your time away from the group, but even a few minutes can be enough to recalibrate:
Yes, I have some party tricks up my sleeve, huh? For example, admit it: at some point at a party, you went to the bathroom not because nature called you, but for a moment of quiet seclusion. Closing the toilet door in this quiet little room … ahhhhh. This is a very different relief. I know one woman who admits to locking herself in the bathroom – at her own and other people’s parties – and reading.
However, even better than finding a place at someone else’s party is to create a place for yourself. For example, I was at an introvert friend’s birthday party where the backyard was defined as a special place for introverts to relax when they need to. If you have a group of friends who understand that being introverted means you need a break from time to time, create your own space. You can even start this at your parties. You might be surprised how quickly people jump on the idea. It’s like having a smoke break, but without secondary lung cancer.
Use friends to infiltrate new social circles
Being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean being shy , but the two often overlap. If you’re having trouble meeting new people, find one or two friends you can meet strangers with. Let a friend start a conversation with someone you don’t know and then contribute to the discussion. Thus, you can easily enter into a conversation.
You don’t want to spend the entire evening talking to people you already know (or maybe you do, but if you want to chat or socialize, it’s probably useless). However, start by talking to a friend, and then involve new people in the conversation. Ask their opinion on a topic you are already discussing. This trick allows you to engage other people in your own existing conversation, which may be more comfortable for an introverted brain.
It is also helpful to have a few friends with whom you can do this, spread out around the party. If you’ve come to a party with a group of extroverts, they might want to hang out. If you can pick out two or more people you already know, you can use them as anchor points (as well as exit vectors) for the conversation. If you’re stuck with someone you don’t want to talk to, politely say that you need to talk to Friend A. When you’ve taken some time to deal with Friend A and want to give him a break, check which Friend of B should talk to this group.
Take small talk as part of life.
Let’s face it. It is impossible to meet new people without small talk . While I could talk for hours about spreadsheets (it’s actually a disease), most people are probably bored. Small talk is the path along which we go to a common opinion. What you do at work, where you live, who you know, and what you think of this cheese sauce are the roads you take until you can jump onto a more interesting social outlet.
Truth be told, there is no trick that makes you good at small talk. There are many things you can try, but this is not science. However, accepting it as normal and normal is just as important for its operation as the oil for the engine. Reddit user IAmaJampire explains two key points of small talk that help explain why you shouldn’t be afraid of it:
People want to know you. As an introvert, I believe that by default I think people don’t care and don’t want to know me. IT’S A LIE. Your brain will tell you this from time to time. For the most part, this is not true, unless the people you work with are completely crazy anyway.
What you give is what you get. You get what you put into the party. You may need to learn how to talk to strangers, but putting in the effort is half the battle. You will be surprised how people will react to this. If not, it’s not your fault. You tried!
If you don’t believe that you’ve met all the cool people that you could ever need or need in your life, chances are, someone has a cool story there. Small talk is how you find them. And they want to be found. Small talk is not a scary monster that wants to grab you. This is a friend who wants to introduce you to someone cool. You don’t have to enjoy doing it all the time, but accepting the position that it’s not the worst will go a long way.
While introverts are not inherently bad at socializing, we tend to have less socializing experience due to our natural tendency to hide. If so, don’t be afraid to brush up on your body language and small talk skills. But more importantly, accept the fact that small talk is a normal part of life and it will be easier for you to get out of your shell when you need it.
Make an escape plan
For an introvert, the worst thing that can happen at a party is to be trapped there. When you run out of energy, you will want to keep one eye on the door, but if you were driving with friends, you are stuck waiting. While you will probably want to talk to one or two friends, it might be best if you are not their vehicle. At the very least, try to find an alternative route home.
Having an escape plan can help relieve stress and give you control over your energy. While the more extroverted people at the party may not want it to end, you can slip away without getting caught up in someone else’s parade. A certain amount of control can also help you feel a little better when dealing with strangers.
This story was originally published in 2014 and has been updated on 11/26/19 to provide more complete and up-to-date information.