Make Even the Best Egg McMuffin in Five Minutes

One of my favorite breakfasts is this McMuffin egg from McDonald’s, but without a car facility I have to order them from UberEats and nothing makes me feel more like a Dirtbag having McDonald’s delivered. Luckily, I figured out how to make a McMuffin-style sandwich in about five minutes using my trash bag oven.

I say “McMuffin-esque” because it looks a little dirtier than a fast food breakfast sandwich, but that’s because of the method of preparation, which is based on Mattie Matheson’s Bolognese bowl . I’m a big fan of the Bologna bowl, but I’m not always in the mood to start my day with four slices of Bologna, so one fateful morning I made a mini Bologna bowl with just one slice of Bologna. I squeezed the lunch meat into a small bowl, added a slice of American cheese, and cracked an egg on top. Then I put it all in the microwave and heated it up for two minutes.

As expected, it was delicious and – thanks to the way the lapdog wrapped around the egg and cheese – I was able to pull it all out onto a piece of toast so it was easy to eat. It was perfect. Bologna was crispy around the edges, the cheese was completely melted, the egg was fried, but the yolk was still a little sweet. It reminded me of Egg McMuffin, but with bologna sauce instead of Canadian bacon. Obviously had to try with Canadian bacon.

It worked just fine. However, I used two Canadian bacon slices as they were very small and one was not enough to cover the bottom of the mold. But the process was exactly the same: I laid the meat and cheese in layers in a small microwave-safe dish, smashed an egg on top, and heated everything in the microwave for two minutes. (Note on microwave cooking eggs: I have a very cheap microwave and have no problem nuclear irradiating whole eggs, but you can break the yolk a little, especially if you have a fancy high power microwave. Heating the yolk too quickly can cause vapor to accumulate under the membrane, which can cause the yolk to burst, which is a dirty and bad thing. Pushing the yolk will rupture the membrane, which will help the vapor escape.)

After a couple of minutes, the cheese moved upstairs, wrapping the egg in a shell, I took it out of the microwave and let it cool while fried and butter the English muffin. (He needs this cooling period; this thing comes out melted.) When the bun was cooked, I ran the butter knife along the rim of the mold and put the washer on the bread.

It didn’t have the sterile layering of the real McMuffin, but it had egg, cheese, and meat in every bite, and – aside from stuffing curd in my mouth – it was the fastest breakfast I’ve ever made for myself. I think I like the Bologna thought better. Bologna is hard to beat.


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