Use Business Strategies to Be a Better Parent
I used to be a librarian. I used to be a newspaper reporter. I used to be a market researcher for the publishing industry. I used to have offices with doors, access to closets, and regular breaks to grab a cup of free coffee.
Then I became a parent.
I am happy at this stage in my life, claiming that parenting is my main calling, but there are some things that I lack in a traditional work environment: freedom to manage my own activities, measurable success in achieving professional goals, dynamic collaboration with other people and feeling the confidence that comes with the knowledge that I am an expert in my position. I began to wonder why I couldn’t bring back the passion and enthusiasm I had in the office? The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to apply certain work strategies to fatherhood. Here’s how to do it.
Understand your values and goals
Managing a family means managing many competing interests – yours, your partner’s, and your child’s. In Soul of Rebirth, Margaret Lobenstein teaches people to find focus among their disparate desires. The first step is to determine the values of your family, or rather the three to five ideals that are most important to you. From here, you can determine if the energy you’ve spent supports these values.
Next, you need specific goals. We all know how goals work for personal growth and professional goals, but they are also important in guiding your family. For example, my family is endowed with hectares of toilets, but we do not have an organizational system. Cleaning the toilets has become a family task because I know it will reduce our daily frustrations.
Define your work day
When your job is raising children, the workday never ends, right? People who work outside the home make a conscious decision to stop working at a certain time or at the end of an assignment. Why can’t parents do the same? No, you will never leave your job when the children are in your care, but a change in attitude can take away your “job.” Every night at about 7:00 pm, we all go to sleep. To-do lists are removed and we try to do only quiet, relaxing activities. I’ve set even tighter restrictions on outdoor activities – no meetings, classes, or dates outside of 9-5. Working overtime would leave us all jittery and nervous.
Set boundaries in your workspace
Rob Walker, a columnist for Lifehacker’s Human Resource, recently wrote about how to do things in an open office . If home is your office, follow Walker’s advice:
- Use headphones as walls (signal to family members that you don’t want to be disturbed).
- Verbally mark the boundaries. Tell your partner or children, “I need to call to schedule our week. I can give you my attention in about 15 minutes. “
- Compromise. As with colleagues, diplomacy at home can go a long way. Give in if you find that an emotional breakdown is more important than a call back.
Plan smarter
Devote specific days or time slots to specific tasks. I apply this technique both in my freelance work and in managing my home and family. Planning ahead can help you group similar tasks and get you to a productive process. I plan a week ahead for Sunday (in my real, full-size, professional diary). By scheduling a full week, you can see where to cut down on unnecessary activities, this Friday can be a good “pajama day” after a hectic Thursday, or when to do a folding marathon if you’re stuck at home waiting for the cable guy.
Be more productive
I’m a complete time management nerd. (You could say experimenting with different time management techniques is my personal procrastination method, but you shouldn’t say it to my face.) Multitasking has become a curse for focusing on one activity at a time. However, current popular theories claim that we are most productive when we alternate focus and shake it up .
Managing a family team is so difficult that waiting for thirty minutes of continuous work can seem fun. Sometimes I set a timer for five minutes. The point is to focus on time that seems reasonable in a given situation. Since kids love timers, why not teach them the tomato technique ? While you are folding the laundry, give them the puzzle and explain that we are all going to focus on this task for 15 minutes. They can count on your undivided attention for five minutes after that.
Listen better
In business and psychotherapy, listening attentively is a true Jedi trick. You talk to someone, you know that they are listening intently, and you pause. They don’t fill a quiet space, so you talk a little more. Without doing anything, this person just got more information out of you. It works with kids too! In Simply Said, Jay Sullivan writes about effective communication. Making eye contact, engaging posture, and asking open-ended questions are important parts of what Sullivan calls “executive presence.” The next time your child is reluctant to share his day, switch to “supervisor presence” and see if you can get him to open up.
With this action plan, you can gain more clarity and structure in your parenting life. Unfortunately, though, you still have to brew your own coffee.