How to Have a Wedding Without a Plus
The worst part of any wedding – aside from waiting in the sweltering heat of the bride to walk down the aisle or eat a particularly overcooked steak at the reception – is to live it alone.
If you go to a wedding without a plus and don’t know anyone other than the bride and groom, I’ve been there (and several times too). It’s always embarrassing to sit at a table with strangers or talk at a buffet table – here’s how to get the most out of it, without having to stay very, very close to an open bar.
Turn your wedding into a vacation
If you’ve ever been invited to a multi-event wedding — one that includes rehearsals, brunch, and a series of extra “fun” events — ask for a break from work and make the trip a vacation if you can.
I recently attended a wedding in Hawaii, and while flying in for exactly one day wouldn’t make any sense anyway, I took a week off to enjoy it while I could. Consider it a reward for the trip you made just to attend the wedding.
“I started going to these weddings and booking a night in a really nice hotel away from the party,” one traveler who has attended several weddings alone told Refinery29 . “I stay as long as I feel comfortable and as long as I am having fun, but as soon as it gets awkward or people get romantically involved with their partners, I slip away and enjoy a little break from being alone.”
Spend money on a room and car rental if you can and enjoy the time away from the office.
Introduce yourself to your family
If you are attending a large wedding without knowing anyone other than the bride or groom, it is easy to cling to them out of necessity, but most likely their attention is divided. As someone who experiences bouts of social anxiety, I find it easiest to talk to those closest to the wedding, such as their family members who (obviously) have a long history with the fiancé or fiancé; fun chatting and comparing stories.
“I went to the first wedding I went to alone; it was on the opposite side of the country, so literally the only person I knew was the bride, not even the groom, ”writes Redditor u / carolinemathildes . “I’m a naturally awkward person, but when I went I was lucky that the bride’s parents met me when I entered and introduced me to another group of people around my age who knew they had the same interests as mine. … so we all hung out together when the bride was busy. “
So introduce yourself and ask how they know the bride or groom; you may make temporary new friends with whom you will never speak again (but remember fondly).
Find other individual guests
You are unlikely to be the only guest who came to the wedding without a plus. For this reason, make eye contact with the lonely diner at your table and find mutual comfort (and conversation) in your temporal interdependence.
Better yet, if you can in advance, ask the groom or bride well about your neighbors at your table. You might be able to make some adjustments if you feel a little uncomfortable at a certain table – just don’t talk about it and send a polite message (and not at the last minute).
If you’re sitting at a particularly unwelcome table at the front desk, you’re not completely stuck; as soon as the dance floor opens, quickly exit when other places become available.
Don’t overdo it in the open bar
Because it must be said, don’t cling to the open bar, this is a wonderful and beautiful place as it is. If you’re driving home this isn’t a smart decision, but you also don’t want to ruin a friend’s wedding. Drink one or two per hour, maybe a little more as the night progresses, but know your limits. (Also, word wise, chill that on shots and energy drinks.)
Have an exit strategy
In terms of etiquette, when can you leave the wedding reception anytime soon without offense? Well, you will probably read that once the cake is cut you can go. (However, if you are at a large wedding, it is unlikely that your departure will be as noticeable.)
If you plan to leave early, you may also ask yourself if you should greet the newlyweds before leaving; this is mostly an old-fashioned rule, unless you had the opportunity to speak.
“If you’ve already expressed your best wishes and spent some time alone with the couple, you can leave without saying goodbye,” writes Nancy Matthias for Martha Stewart Weddings . So don’t be discouraged about taking off after the cake has been cut.
If you’re planning on having a drink, you should check to see if Uber or Lyft is available in the area where the event is taking place. If not, arrange with your local auto service to avoid being stranded.
And set your alarm the next morning in case you leave early.
Or just say no
If the idea of attending a wedding where you absolutely can’t do anything is intimidating, you don’t need to torture yourself unnecessarily. (If this is a close friend, you may want to reconsider your opinion.) How to say no to a wedding invitation? Well, besides the physical “no” in the form of an RSVP card, u / argella1300 has some good advice.
“If this is a particularly close friend, I’ll still give them a little gift and send them an apology card for not being able to attend, and maybe make plans for the future so that both couples can celebrate together on their own in a more comfortable environment.”
If you are one of three hundred guests, they are unlikely to be offended by this, but if you are one of ten or twenty possible participants, it is better to support this friend.