How to End Your Child’s Screen Time Without a Nervous Breakdown
The worst thing about letting my daughter watch a few shows is turning them off. Now that she is 6 years old, things are not so bad, but for about 3 years it was stressful. I collected myself every time I entered the zone – this is the space between her eyeballs and the TV. Standing where she could see me, I warned her, “Five more minutes, okay?” She nodded her head and then motioned for me to step out of the way. When the time was up, I took the remote. “Okay, that’s all!” I would say and turn off the TV. And then, like clockwork, her body melted off the couch as she cried WHY, even if the show was over.
A crash after filming is no joke. For many parents, this is a common occurrence: when the TV, iPad or Nintendo Switch turns off, screams, whining and tears begin. (You can see it all happen in this video, where Jimmy Kimmel invites parents to sneak up on their kids and turn off the TV while they play Fortnite . As you can imagine, things don’t end well.)
I learned that there is a biological cause for this dramatic, seemingly uncontrollable reaction. When we watch a show or play, our brain produces dopamine, the “happiness” hormone. When screen time runs out, dopamine levels drop. Adults have reasoning abilities to overcome the fall and move on to other tasks, but children do not.
The screens also put kids in a kind of hypnotic state. When you turn off a show or game, you pull them out of the world they were consumed with. Imagine that you are eating a plate of cheese and someone is tearing it away from you when you are about to grab your next piece. Or you’re going to put together a jigsaw puzzle with 1000 pieces, and someone pushes everything off the table. Or you play your favorite Broadway tune, and right before you get to the chorus, someone changes the song to “Baby Shark.” You get the idea. You would be disoriented and angry.
But there is a trick that allows you to easily complete screen time, and I support it. Anita Lehmann explains this on Motherly :
Whenever you think screen time is running out, take the time to sit next to your child and enter their world. Watch TV with him or sit with him while he plays his game on the screen, killing aliens. It doesn’t have to be long, half a minute is enough. Just share your experience. Then ask him a question about it.
This strategy was developed by French clinical psychologist Isabel Filliosat. Basically, you immerse yourself in your child’s onscreen world to gently bring him back to real life. The transition doesn’t seem so abrupt anymore.
I’ve done this before with my daughter and it works.
“Why is Mom Tiger so angry?” I once asked her while she was sitting on the sofa watching Daniel Tiger .
“Daniel moved the beach indoors!” she told me, excitedly talking about the plot of her favorite show.
“Oh, it’s so dirty,” I replied. “I would be upset too.”
A minute later, I told her that it was time to turn off the TV, and she did it without drama. And then we left to do something else, not crying among ourselves.
Try this trick the next time your child is addicted to their favorite show or game. They might still get a little frustrated when it comes time to turn it off, but you’ll probably avoid a full-blown crash. And you can even catch this crazy action scene in PJ Masks .