How to Deal With the Stress of Waiting for Important News
What makes it so painful to wait for the next interview, the message after the first date, or the news that could expose your president once and for all?
According to research by Keith Sweeney , a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, who specializes in the very topic of hard wait-and-see games, it’s a combination of two familiar feelings: insecurity and lack of control. And when you wait for news that could change history as we know it (or maybe not at all?), These emotions can raise your alarm to heaven.
However, the long wait becomes a little easier when you understand how important timing can be and why distractions need to be.
Time is important for relieving anxiety
Sweeney recommends one important technique to make the waiting less agonizing: try to do your best for as long as possible, before preparing for the worst when you expect to hear the news. Why?
“It optimizes the pleasant sensations of optimism with the protective benefits of what we usually call ‘preparing for the worst,’” she said. “There is no doubt that optimism is well balanced. The assumption that good things will happen to you in the future is usually positive. We found that because this optimism is enjoyable, it’s great to hold on to it for as long as possible. ”
However, striving for the best throughout the entire process can lead to serious frustration, so jumping from one to the other as late as possible in the waiting game is a good middle ground for anxiety relief.
Find a red herring with results
Of course, the easiest way to pass the time is to find a distraction or “state of flux,” as Sweeney puts it. And the type of distraction matters. Ideally, this is a distraction that challenges you and provides some proof of progress, but does not lead you to frustration – like playing video games or even puzzles. Find something that produces tangible results (and therefore success) without causing unnecessary anxiety (and don’t read the news over and over again).
Find a ventilation mechanism
It costs nothing, and you probably shouldn’t use distractions to suppress your feelings. In fact, you shouldn’t bury your emotions at all when you are worried about important personal news. According to one study, referenced by Sweeney in his study, law graduates awaiting exam results to a lawyer who tried to suppress their thoughts and feelings, reported that during the process it became worse.
And the best mechanism to prevent this seems to be by finding a way out in the form of a friend or romantic partner – recent research shows that people who received emotional support in anticipation of important news cope and sleep better. result. So find someone who wants to listen to your feelings a little (that is, don’t overdo it).
Practice mindfulness
What is mindfulness? Well, it’s about staying in the present instead of repeating every answer to the interview question over and over again. (“Did I say it right? Did I shake his hand enough?”) In fact, Sweeney’s research shows that mindfulness is effective for those of us who struggle the most with uncertainty.
And yes, staying in the present is a strange, seemingly unattainable task for most of us, but taking some time to meditate briefly is one practice that can help you with this. “From personal experience, even if meditation seems so repulsive, try it anyway,” she said. “There are a million apps out there these days.”
It’s not about suppressing disturbing thoughts, ”Sweeney added. “It’s really about paying attention to what’s going on in your head. One of the discoveries I have found is that I have all these thinking patterns that I was not aware of. Most of these thoughts raced back in time and reflected on everything I had said, and of course, accelerated and contemplated everything I was going to do tomorrow and just never be in the present. ” So take five minutes to think about what’s happening right now.
Find silver lining
There is another way to survive the long wait, Sweeney said, called “proactive profit seeking,” essentially finding a positive side in any of the results. This is not to assume the worst; part of the concept is just figuring out what the next step is.
“I’ve talked to a lot of people who were afraid of breast cancer,” she said. “One of the things people will tell me that they were very comfortable while waiting for the biopsy results is to ask, ‘What if? What if it’s cancer? Do I have childcare lines? Do I know my work leave policy? ‘This early planning may not be necessary in the end, but it can make the news easier to absorb. If you feel like you are taking a little control from the universe, then this is a very comforting process. “
However, there is a caveat: if the result is positive, you may not experience the desired reaction. Here’s how it manifested itself in the 2016 election, as Sweeney wrote in her research:
In a survey of voter experiences before and after the 2016 U.S. presidential election, Clinton supporters who had pledged advance payments in the weeks leading up to election day were less shocked by their defeat; however, Trump supporters using the same strategy were less enthusiastic about their victory.
In other words, let’s start planning what might happen after the Mueller report goes public. And planning itself can serve as a useful distraction in anticipation of important news.
Know what kind of person you are
The truth, Sweeney says, is that some types of people are naturally better off waiting than others, regardless of how they use wait and see tactics: eternal optimists and those who are good at dealing with uncertainty.
“Things like how optimistic you are by nature, to some extent, seem to be something that you were born with,” she said. “You are born with some genetic combination that allows you to be a little more fun about your future. While I don’t know if there is strong evidence for this, I strongly suspect it stems from childhood modeling. You have parents or guardians who meet uncertainty with cheerful optimism or dark pessimism, and this will manifest itself from a fairly early age. “
But the type of uncertainty also matters, Sweeney writes. If you’re waiting for a job offer or indictment, worry is okay. If you are waiting for a pay raise, or if you are confident enough that the waiting period will lead to some good news, you are far less likely to experience this stress either way.
And while you may not be able to change your natural disposition, you can at least practice a healthy amount of optimism and pessimism as you endure another day of waiting.