How to Be a Nicer Person
Does it always seem like you could be an asshole?
Let’s face it – we all have moments when we could be a little kinder.
Maybe someone cut you off in traffic and you shouted curses at them. Maybe someone stole the last treadmill in the gym and you wish they were ever born. Maybe someone at work stole your lunch again and you have your entire office jammed for you to personally find the culprit and force-feed him with a whole chocolate cake like Trunchbull.
If you’ve ever wanted to be a better person, it’s not as difficult as you think. Author Austin Cleon discussed this topic on his blog, and it’s not about donating to charity or smiling more at people, but instead requires a little more empathy.
Trying to be a little more polite? Here’s what you need to know about how to behave (and act the same way) so that you never yell at someone unnecessarily again.
Give everyone the benefit of doubt
In his post, Cleon cites the author and the Reverend James Martin for some important advice on how to be kinder. In particular, one lesson is very important: empower people to have doubts.
“When in doubt about how someone means something or what someone does, give them a plus sign, ” Martin said in the video.
Instead of assuming that everyone around you is acting out of their own selfish and dirty intentions, just assume the best. As a result, your actions towards them will reflect this – instead of being passive-aggressive (for example, avoiding them, short answers, accidentally rolling your eyes, etc.), you will communicate more openly and show them more respect. than if you doubted their reliability.
Stress is also debilitating for anxious, so it has the added benefit of freeing up mental space in your own mind.
Don’t talk about people unnecessarily
Martin gave another solid piece of advice for solving the asshole problem: Respect everyone who is absent.
“In other words, stop talking about people behind their back,” he said. “I believe that nothing destroys our spiritual life as much as denigrating another person. This is a really serious form of ingratitude, and of course it can make the other person feel unhappy. “
It’s tempting to give your opinion at a holiday party after a few drinks, but you stand to gain a lot more by keeping your mouth shut. And honestly, you’ll look a lot better too – bad talking about someone can make you worse, and no one wants to look like an office shit.
Yes, ventilation is a pleasure (especially while drinking!), And if you need a ventilation mechanism, let someone else do it. Listening to a ventilation session in itself can bring relief. Maybe they will share an opinion that you secretly empathize with.
Don’t wait in return
On a Reddit thread, u / SnowHesher talks about how to be a better person:
“Don’t be fooled by ‘secret contracts’. Many “good guys” believe that if they treat everyone well, they will be treated well in return. So when they do favors to people, they expect to be compensated in the form of favors or friendship. “
In other words, if you want to become kinder, you cannot associate all good deeds. Why? It’s superficial and you end up evaluating others in terms of money and what they can provide you in the long run.
Instead, try your best to do something without realizing how it might benefit you in the future. Yes, it is difficult (see the episode ” Friends “, in which Phoebe could not do a single thing as a good Samaritan, without receiving any benefit), but not expecting a reward is largely important in order to be less asshole.
Say goodbye to people more often
In an effort to give people the edge in doubt whenever possible, you should just as easily forgive people when they have admitted their mistakes. You don’t want to be a person who can’t miss something. And anger will keep you from moving on emotionally and in relationships.
And, as we wrote earlier , forgiveness also does not mean reconciliation. You don’t have to become best friends – it’s just an act of mutual respect. So let it go when you can.
And if you can’t get over it, that’s okay too! Maybe it’s a heartless ex, in which case they are assholes, and your resentment is fully justified.