I’m a New York City Cartoonist Emily Flake and This Is How I Am a Parent
Emily Flake has a lot to say on topics from chest sweat to Mayochup . Rather, draw. The award-winning cartoonist has gone from launching the Lulu Eightball comic in alternative weeklies across the country (she said the jokes were “too vulgar for adult publishing”) to regularly drawing for The New Yorker . Her book, Mom Tried: The Dispatch from the Inside Out of Modern Parenting, describes the ups, downs and absurd moments of living with babies. That’s how her parents are.
Name: Emily Flake Location: Brooklyn, New York Occupation: cartoonist, writer, artist, illustrator Family: husband John (51), daughter of Augustin, nicknamed Tag (6), Cat Penny (God knows, but the old one)
Tell us a little about your family and your career. Was life mostly according to plan or were there any surprises?
As for the family, I have been with my husband since 2004. The only surprise for the baby was that she showed up three weeks early and I mistook the labor pains for having to shit. She likes this story – “You thought I was a turd !!!”
In terms of career, I’m pleased to report that I’ve been plotting this shit from day one. Appendix A: This note I found when I was 9 and a half years old:
Tell us about your morning routine. What are your best tricks to get out the door?
Hahahah, my best trick is to get John to do this. He’s a morning person – he wakes up naturally around 5 or 6 – and he wakes Tag and me. I braid her hair, but I will also happily try to be useless in the morning.
How much outside help do you get as a parent? Who or what cannot you live without?
The question of help is an important one. It is fraught with both emotions (am I really a bad mom, that I left her in kindergarten? Will she love the nanny more?), And money (can we afford it? Are we ashamed if we cannot? Or can we?).
We have had a Tug in kindergarten since … I mean, at 7 months old? We have been on the waiting list since 2 months. We were able to place her in one of the kindergartens in our block because we had the flexibility to start with 15 hours a week and increase it when new hours became available. It was the cheapest option, averaging $ 8 per hour. I will always be grateful to the women who took care of my daughter there (and gave me much needed advice on raising children). Now she goes to school and I exchange pickup once a week with a good friend who has a daughter in the same class (she picks up on Monday and I picks up on Friday). Tag also goes to an art class that [picks up the kids from school], so one day I’ll have a good long day as well. My husband picks up two days a week. We are incredibly lucky to have such a setup.
What gadgets, apps, charts, or tools do you rely on? Have you come across an unusual parenting product that changed your life?
Nosefrida was a hated but very useful thing when the Tug was small, but luckily she is now capable of blowing her nose. She has a billion games on my phone because I’m a bad parent at best. Her favorites are Roblox and some sort of Word Scramble game. I feel like I must be worse off because of this, but on the other hand, social collapse is now approaching, so to hell.
Has the way you work changed the way you become a parent?
I’ve always been a procrastinator and a terrible time manager – having a baby really made me hold back some (some!) Of my worst impulses in this area. It also raised the stakes – I’m not the only one with an ass on the line if I don’t feed successfully. The specter of failure to provide is a terrific motivator.
What’s your best parenting technique?
Oh brother, I would like a little. Hillary Frank (from The Longest Fastest Deadline podcast) just published a book on parenting tricks, and reading them I was amazed at the other parents’ quick wits and wished I had anything better than to “put out a weird voice to distract her from unpleasant feelings! “It’s more like“ let her talk sometime in therapy ”than a visit.
What are you most proud of as a parent?
Meanwhile, as she heard compliments about her manners / attentiveness and when she came up to me, she said: “I gave you a present, Mom!” and a puff with all her might. My girlfriend.
What moment are you least proud of?
I can remember more than one case of losing my temper. It’s never good.
What do you want your child to learn from your example?
Jokes aside, I want her more than anything else to be curious, competent, respectful, and kind. It seems terribly futile to assume that I am any of this, but I am trying to model this behavior. Although, she’s probably just learning to swear creatively.
What are your favorite funny / weird / special family rituals?
Every morning, walking out the door, she says: “I love you! I will love you even after I die! “So this is a sweet and downright dark way to start the day.
Has anyone ever given you parenting advice that you really liked?
My friend’s dad Millicent used to say: “Damn in one hand, I wish in the other, and see which one fills up faster.” I catch myself thinking about this bromide at least once a day.
What’s the hardest part about being a parent?
UGH TIME WHERE IS IT HOW I CAN GET MORE
What’s your favorite part of the day?
Right after the second cup of coffee, when I feel optimistic and capable. This is SURVIVAL TIME.
The only thing I would like to say to other parents who are pursuing a career:
Quoting Conan O’Brien: “In the end, all of our graves will be left unattended.” It is incredibly comforting to remember that things that seem incredibly important at the moment are practically non-existent in the time span. I’m a big believer in gay whore.