Here Is When It Is Appropriate to Comment on the Transformation of Someone’s Body.
Bodies change a lot over time, and sometimes these transformations are dramatic. When you see a friend who suddenly looks different, you have a strong impulse to celebrate. Sometimes such a comment will be highly welcome – even expected – and sometimes it will be underestimated and downright offensive.
On subreddit / r / LifeProTips Redditor u / kermit2014 shared a story of how they continue to receive compliments for their weight loss – and hate it. They are thin not because they were on a diet or exercise, but because of an illness:
I look bad. I look sick. I want to look the same.
How can I fend off these “compliments” without being rude or ranting about how someone was just trying to be kind? Is this something I just have to afford?
Aside from the annoyance, I’ve also had food problems in the past. I am concerned about how compliments can affect my psyche when I try to gain weight. It worries me that if I continue to receive attention, I will become attached and lose the motivation to receive, even if I know it is most beneficial to me.
This is a dangerous situation; u / kermit2014 are not only unhappy with people celebrating their weight, they are afraid that those compliments are reinforcing in terms of their relationship to food and their body. Therefore, in general, I would advise never to notice someone’s body! That is none of your business.
BUT, there is a big but. We live in a culture where people’s appearance and the recognition they receive for it are part of their identity. Someone who has worked very hard to lose weight, gain weight, build muscle, or any other visible change, may want people to recognize this. This can be a big bummer when you feel like you’re breaking your ass to do something and no one seems to notice. These are some basic guidelines for how to respectfully overcome these contradictions.
Take advantage of tips from social networks
By far the easiest way to know if someone wants to comment is to actually listen and watch them, especially on social media. People these days tend to be pretty public about their travels. If they don’t talk about what you notice, it probably means that they don’t want to be discussed, at least not directly. If, for example, someone is depressed and associated with weight loss or gain, they actually need a friend to talk to, not a comment on their dress size.
However, if they write a lot about going to the gym, pay attention to their language. If it’s all about strength, injury recovery, or stamina building, use the same language when commenting on it. Congratulate them on their hard work and performance. Such support is probably desirable and appreciated.
Stay away from judgmental phrases
If you do decide to comment on someone’s body because it seems like they might want to talk about it, start with a neutral phrase such as “You look like you’re exercising” or “These pants look great to you.” The first is an observation that is neither good nor bad, the second is a compliment on how good they look, but does not mean that they looked better or worse before. It is important.
Even if you are very consciously working hard on your physical transformation, you do not want someone to hint that you look bad before you start doing it. You just looked different. Giving someone the opportunity to talk about what they are trying to achieve and why, starting in a neutral way, allows them to brag a little without suggesting that they need to change anything.
Ask about something related
I am personally very interested in nutrition and exercise, even aside from losing weight or having an incredibly tight butt. It’s amazing how what you eat and how you move changes mental clarity, energy levels, and even skin. Do I always have time or focus to eat my best and train every day? Not! This means that my physique changes, as does everything over time.
But I’ve found that talking about things like recipes and workouts is a pretty easy way to get a sense of how people think about their bodies. People often ask something simple, like, “Do you enjoy cooking at home?” will open everything pretty quickly. If they don’t talk about diet or weight loss, it probably means that they don’t want to talk about it. So don’t, but get this stew recipe.
Just shut up
When in doubt, make a mistake on your own. For every story about someone who was disappointed that no one noticed their weight loss, there is another story about someone who feels like complete shit because they call him thin all the time, but he just had stomach problems. flu. There are a million ways to compliment someone without involving your body – and everyone loves compliments.