Ask Lifehacker to Settle Your Dispute
The great King Solomon was asked to resolve a dispute between two women, both of whom had recently given birth, one of whom strangled her child in her sleep. Both claimed that the other strangled her child, both claimed that the living child was her own. “Divide the living child in half and give half to one and half to the other,” said Solomon. One woman was fine, the other said: no, I will abandon the child, just do not kill him. “Give the child to the second woman,” said Solomon. And I personally think he was secretly relieved, in truth, he was in control of it.
Are you fighting with a friend, roommate, partner, family member? Does each of you think the other is guilty? Do you need someone to mediate, someone to tell you which one of you is an asshole?
I will be that intermediary. As a seasoned advocate of good opinions, such as that singing “Happy Birthday” is an act of cruelty and that bartenders should politely boo their patrons to muffle the noise , I’ll determine who the asshole is and who was wronged. I’ll tell you what needs to be done to heal the victim.
All you have to do is email me at nick.douglas@lifehacker.com your point of view (subject line “Who’s the asshole here?”) And get the other person to do the same. That’s right, I hear both sides, or I hear nothing. Only then can I pass judgment.
Anything you send me can be posted on Lifehacker; you can give me a nickname. I am not giving legal or medical advice, just stating publicly that you are right (or wrong). Currently. Whose child is this?