How to Get Motivated to Work on Your Sex Life
You know your sex life is short. You fought badly with your partner because of the poor state of your sex life. You’ve read magazines and articles on the Internet that said you need to “have more sex” and “spice things up.” And yet, you simply cannot bring yourself to make any changes. Read on to find out how you can finally find your motivation.
Know that you are not alone
Most people feel incredibly lonely when they struggle with their sex lives. You probably think that everyone else has more and better sex than you do, and that you should be the only living person or couple who have their own special problems. This exacerbates any embarrassment you have about your initial struggles and makes it even more difficult to want to take proactive steps to work on your sex life.
It is important for you to understand that everyone is struggling with their sex life in one way or another, be it a weak sex drive, a lack of time or energy for sex, a feeling of resentment or anger at your partner in order to want sex. to be ashamed of sex with them and so on. I am always frank about the fact that although I am a sex therapist and teach people how to improve their sex life, I still struggle with sex. There are times when I’m ashamed of my body, ashamed of my desires, and just too exhausted to even think about sex.
Once you realize that you are not alone and that millions of other people and couples are likely struggling with the same dynamic that is confusing you, you will feel much more open to dealing with your specific problems. So let me repeat: you are not alone!
Understand that sex takes work.
Most people also believe that good sex should come naturally, without any effort. It is assumed that you feel a spontaneous, uncontrollable desire for your partner at the very moment when he should feel a spontaneous, uncontrollable desire for you, and you must have the time, space and privacy to have wild, passionate and at the same time orgasmic sex. right then and there. If your sex life doesn’t look right, you worry that it means that you and your partner are incompatible, or that something is wrong with your relationship.
The truth is, it takes a lot of work to have an active, passionate, and fulfilling sex life. It doesn’t just magically happen. This is rarely spontaneous. Instead, it requires things like regular dating, prioritizing self-care, discussing problems in your relationship, providing feedback and requests in the bedroom, planning sex, and getting outside help from therapists, nannies, and / or cleaning ladies. … Sex is the most “unnatural” natural act! I could write tons of articles on this very topic, but for now I want to normalize the fact that sex takes effort.
Deal with your own motives …
Then think about what you want to achieve from your sex life. This is an incredibly personal question that only you can fully answer for yourself. Forget what your sex life looks like right now. How do you want it to look and feel? And why? “Because that’s how sex is supposed to be” is an unacceptable answer. What are your personal important reasons why you want your sex life to look a certain way? What impact will it have on your life if you have the sex you dream of? It is also helpful to remember the times when sex seemed less difficult to you. Maybe when you and your partner were just starting out, or maybe when you were single and dating a lot of people. What did you like about sex? What was your experience? What are you missing now? I recommend spending a lot of time here and taking notes.
… and your blockages
Spend some time thinking about what is holding you back from having the sex life you truly desire. What dynamics are holding you back? It is important here to be extremely honest with yourself. Here are just a few possibilities:
- You don’t know your body well enough to know what you like.
- You’ve overloaded your schedule to the point that you don’t have time for sex.
- You don’t have much privacy.
- Are you tired.
- You and your partner feel like strangers to each other.
- You don’t care about yourself.
- You rarely feel sexual desire.
Again, taking notes can be very helpful. The more specific and detailed you can become, the better.
Think about your partner
It is very important to start by focusing on your personal desires and motivation for your sex life. But since your sex life includes your partner, it’s also helpful to think about him. If there was nothing good between the two of you, it’s easy to feel like an adversary – as if they always insist on what you don’t want, or vice versa. But see if you can remember the times when you and your partner had the best sex life. What was it like to feel truly close and close to your partner? How did this affect your relationship? How did this affect your partner? Did the benefits extend beyond just the two of you, but also to your children, family, or group of friends?
You may also consider how your partner can help you improve your sex life. Maybe you want your partner to step up their activities in another area of your relationship, for example, more involved in your finances. Maybe you want them to provide you with a place to take care of yourself. Maybe you want them to come with you to a sex therapy session.
Determine the step of the child
Take a look at what you have written down so far and see if you can identify one particular thing that you can act on now. The idea of “working on your sex life” can seem incredible and it’s easy to let it overwhelm you without taking any action. Don’t fall into this trap! Instead, focus on what seems manageable right now. For example, you buy a book on sexual techniques, tell your partner that you are reading this article, masturbate for 10 minutes, go on a date, or exchange a massage. This step alone won’t solve everything, but it will give you the momentum you need to take the next step.