Put MSG in Everything, Panties

By now we all have to totally be afraid of monosodium glutamate , a molecule that increases the level of minds, which is often called “glutamate sodium .” It won’t cause a headache or numbness in your hands, but it will inspire you to eat a whole head of fried broccoli in one sitting.

As Beth explained in the article quoted directly above this sentence, the symptoms of “Chinese restaurant syndrome” have never been reproduced in a laboratory setting. (If this syndrome sounds rather racist, it’s because it is.) This is great news because it means we can freely enjoy the sodium and glutamate combination with wild enthusiasm, not only in Doritos, but also in our own recipes. …

Buying monosodium glutamate is not as easy as buying salt (look for a bottle of Accent in the store or a pack of Ajinomoto online), but it’s just as easy to use. However, as with sodium chloride, monosodium glutamate can easily get carried away, especially when you begin to realize all the wonderful things that you can bring this newfound source of minds to. The key is to take it slowly – 1 / 4-1 / 2 teaspoon is usually enough for any recipe for four to six people. (What’s more, it can give your food an unpleasant artificial flavor.) For one serving – or the drink we’ll talk about shortly – start with a pinch, try and add more if needed. (I recommend trying a little of it just to get the full picture of its meaty, slightly sweet, and very savory quality.)

To what exactly should it be added? Almost any non-dessert item that can be used with umami. If you add soy sauce to it, you can add monosodium glutamate. If you add parmesan to it, you can add monosodium glutamate. If you think “you can use some fish sauce / tomato paste / nutritional yeast here,” you can (and should) add MSG. If you need ideas, I have:

Tomato sauce

I confess, I have never associated myself with Marcella Hazan’s three-way sauce. This is fine on its own, but I’ve always thrown in garlic, or wine, or fish sauce, or whatever to give it a little flavor. I added 1/2 teaspoon MSG this Friday and loved it. (It’s also worth noting that Ofkler, who never liked Khazan sauce, loved it so much that he ate the cold leftovers standing over the sink. Or maybe it’s not “worth mentioning” but rather “slightly entertaining.”

Bread

Are you looking to elevate your garlic bread to mid-range restaurant heights? Sprinkle with some MSG as if you were salt. If you’re dealing with breadsticks or cookies, just brush a little oil first so the crystals have something to cling to.

Popcorn

It is obvious. Sprinkle with a few pinches; stir, try, adjust as needed.

Boring fried vegetables

I’m just kidding; the fried vegetables are already very good, but I absolutely breathed in a head of broccoli sprinkled with monosodium glutamate. For each couple of servings, add 1/8 teaspoon MSG to the vegetables, along with a couple of tablespoons of olive oil and salt.

Soups and stews

Half a teaspoon is sufficient for most meat dishes. I especially love the tomato soup, chili peppers and anything that is beans based.

Ground turkey

Yes, you can add MSG to other minced meat, but no meat needs as much flavor help as turkey mince. Use 1/2 teaspoon per pound.

Absolutely dirty martini

To keep the olive martini spicy, add a pinch of MSG to a stirring glass filled with ice, along with 2 1/2 ounce gin, 1/2 ounce dry vermouth, and 1/4 ounce. olive brine. Stir, strain and enjoy.

Sauces, dressings and pastes

Add a pinch to homemade onion sauce , salad dressings, peppercorns, bean sauce, or plain cream cheese. (I ate cream cheese on Sunday morning, it was fantastic).

Shiny, off-season tomatoes

Look, I know I shouldn’t be messing with tomatoes this time of year, but sometimes I’m a big fool who can’t help myself and I end up with a few round, red, tasteless balls. However, seeing that glutamate is one of the flavors that make tomatoes so good, a small amount of glutamate makes the off-season tomato quite edible, if not completely tasty.

The one thing I would not recommend adding MSG is sweets. An apple might be ok – apples and parmesan are very good, but that’s all I can say.

Update 1/14/18 1:06 PM EST: People may have allergies and sensitivities to any ingredient. You know how your body reacts to things, and I’m not telling you to eat something that makes you feel bad, but MSG is not a “bad” ingredient and “Chinese Restaurant Syndrome” has never been reproduced. constantly in the laboratory. (Likewise: I can’t eat mangoes without my lips looking like little bumps, but that doesn’t mean that mangoes are bad for the general population, and that doesn’t make “mango lip syndrome” a phenomenon.)

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