When to Allow Your Child to Quit a Musical Instrument
Many parents are painfully familiar with the following scenario: a child shows interest in a particular instrument after witnessing the play of that instrument. The child asks for one of his own. Also begs for lessons. Promises that they will practice “every day.” After three months and several hundred dollars, each training session becomes an argument, and the child says that he “hates” the previously adored tool. They want to leave.
I am a music teacher and I was in this situation with my own child. I have a Master’s Degree in Viola Music and I also play the violin. My 5 year old son was very interested every time he saw me play, so it seemed natural for me to buy him a tiny violin and start teaching him.
And for a while it was great … sort of. My son played the violin well, but although he did not hate it, he did not find joy in it either. He didn’t like it when I told him when he resisted training. He didn’t like that this practice prevented him from playing. He didn’t want me to criticize his bow skill or the shape of his left finger. He wanted to go play Lego.
Reluctantly, I gathered up the tiny violin and let my son go.
Over the past decade and a half, I have taught about 40 students of violin and viola, and my views on whether and when a child should quit smoking definitely changed during this time. I used to think that if a child signs up, he needs to do it, and even went so far as to believe that if a child has talent, parents have the right to force the child to overcome their resistance.
I have since learned that children have a temperament that is better suited to playing different instruments. For example, a violin requires an excessive concentration of attention, requires a high level of coordination, and does not make what you would call a “beautiful” sound for several months, even for children who learn quickly. Wind instruments and wind instruments are similar. Piano requires dexterity and concentration, but as long as the piano is tuned and you are not indiscriminately hitting it, it is difficult to achieve a truly unbearable sound on the piano. It’s the same with the guitar. Unlike violins, guitars have frets that indicate where to put your fingers. Follow the chord chart and boom , you play music.
My son switched to guitar shortly after giving up violin. And guess what? He’s good at it, and he likes it.
It’s time to let your child quit smoking when:
- Every workout is a battle
- Your child does not want to go to lessons, even if he likes their teacher.
- They tell you they want to quit
Yeah, it’s that simple. Basically, if your child clearly doesn’t like it, there is no point in coercing him. There is no need to torture the music teacher by dragging the child to lessons with the lower lip sticking out. We teachers don’t like this any more than your child.
However, it is perfectly reasonable to set an end goal, such as “play your gig and then you can stop,” or “finish the lessons we already paid for,” to encourage completion. Most children will be happy with the lessons if they know the end is near.
Let your child try a different instrument.
You can often rent an instrument from your local music store, or if you find a teacher first, they can help you find an inexpensive instrument on the Facebook Marketplace or similar to get you started. That way, if it turns out that this tool is not for your child, you can unwrap it and sell it at the same price you bought it for. I did this with several violin students who later decided that the violin was not for them.
It is also helpful to find a teacher who will allow you to pay per lesson or per month, rather than a studio that requires a large advance for the entire semester. This way, if your child is unsure, you can opt out without wasting money. Or maybe your child just doesn’t like music. It’s okay too. Try sports or art lessons and see if it works for you.
The fact is that forcing a child to do what he hates, just because we want it, or because we think that he is good at it, it is harmful for anyone and does not give positive results.
And it might just stop your child from finding what is actually their jam.