Should Children Be Allowed to Swear?

During the holidays, I played a game with my family. My three nieces were sitting at the table, so I cleaned out my pot as hard as I could. I was so proud of myself for creating “shit” and “freak” instead of “Bad Words.”

Apparently this was not enough; My first-class niece turned to me and scolded, “Aunt Jacqueline! You Said Shit And Damn! God! “

Laughing heartily, I thought: how much to argue with a child is too much? Is everything bad? Or does it depend on the child? What about them – when can kids swear? I posed this question to my parent friends and the Offspring parent group on Facebook, and then did a little research of my own.

What ordinary parents say

From one extreme to the other, parents process four-letter words in a myriad of ways. At one end of the spectrum are parents who never use swear words – or words that match swear words – in front of their children.

“I do not swear in front of children. In fact, I heard (my daughter) Emmy say, “What the hell!” and I thought, “Where have you heard such a language?” said Lauren Waugh, a mother of two from Poland, Ohio.

On the other hand, parents who don’t change their language despite tiny people keeping up, and who don’t mind if their kids swear.

“In my house, I swear all the time. I’m 7 and 10 years old, ”said Sarah Patalita, a mother of two from Rochester, Minnesota. “At home, they can say whatever they want, but they know that many people think certain words are“ bad ”and don’t like to hear them – especially from children. On the whole, they, like me, were good at keeping this distinction. “

Mika, a member of the Facebook group Offspring, has a trick she uses to clear her tongue of her children: she finds other words to replace swear words. Maybe call it the Snoop Dogg method.

“(Swearing) is hard to break the habit! … (I) use different slang and funny words, including his “shizzle”, writes Mickey. “(For) holy shit,” I’ll say holy kebab. “

Presi, also from the Facebook group, plans to borrow a tip from a friend, according to the rule of which children can swear, but only in their rooms and only with the door closed.

“The kids grew up with a very realistic outlook on swearing,” writes Presi. “It was not completely forbidden, and children were allowed to use it to express their frustration and anger, but it was to be done in private and never be used towards other people.”

For Jesse, it’s a matter of age: “(W) chickens (my kids) can drive, they can swear.”

And then there’s the difference between swearing in general and swearing at someone when “oh shit” isn’t as bad as telling someone to shut up, call them stupid, or direct a four-letter word at them.

“I have a sailor’s mouth,” says Amanda Gannon, a mother of three in Bradley, Illinois. – My children are not allowed to pronounce the F-word. They are allowed to speak low-level (words) … and only from time to time and only in front of me. Never with me. “

Julie of the Facebook group has the same difference in using swearing and swearing at someone.

“My policy on swearing is that it’s just words, and I allow my children to swear if it’s not disrespectful,” she writes. “They’re going to get in trouble for telling someone to shut up, but I don’t care if they start releasing from … !!” when they bit a toe or something. “

What the experts say

If curses in the form of name-calling are a problem, Common Sense Media , a non-profit organization that “helps families make smart media choices,” advises telling your kids that words can hurt and name-calling is a form of bullying.

“Point out when TV characters call each other by their first names, and ask the children how they could handle the situation differently,” suggests writer Sierra Filucci of Common Sense .

A common advice to curb swearing from your children is to minimize the reaction to it – as harsh as possible.

“If you overreact to a certain word, it can make your child even more intrigued,” Erin Boyd-Soisson, assistant professor of human development and family sciences at Messiah College in Grantham, Pennsylvania , told Parents.com .

Instead, the first time you hear a word you don’t want to hear, ignore it.

“Your child is less likely to do it again if he sees that you don’t find it funny,” says the article on Parents.com . If this happens again, “keep calm and say, ‘This is a bad word and we don’t use it in our home.’

Then there’s the completely opposite end of the spectrum: neuroscientist Emma Byrne says kids as young as two actually need to be taught swear words and the impact they can have. Thus, the message comes from parents, not peers.

“I want to equip parents to deal with this aspect of shame and embarrassment,” My kid swore in a place that was inappropriate, “Byrne, author of” The Oath is good for you: The Amazing Science of foul language , ” said the Independent ,” If we will not. talk about swearing with our children, and they will learn to swear only from their classmates on the playground, they will have no idea how swearing affects people’s feelings. “