How to Help Your Partner Get a More Comfortable Welcome
Many people find it difficult to get time, attention, or stimulus in the bedroom. For many of us, it may be easier to give than to allow ourselves to receive. If you’re with a partner who is struggling to get your attention in the bedroom, there are several ways to help them relax and understand that they deserve your attention.
Let’s be clear: your partner makes his own body decisions, and you should never put pressure on the other person to allow you to do things that they are uncomfortable with. But if you want to create a more comfortable environment to help your partner make those decisions, here are some tips you can follow.
Underline agreement
As I mentioned above, your partner should always have complete control over their body. If they don’t want oral sex, that’s their choice. If they do not want you to help them reach orgasm, that is their prerogative. Letting your partner know that you understand this dynamic can help them feel more comfortable. When presenting an idea to make your partner more comfortable to accept, be sure to emphasize their own free will. Say something like, “This is your body, you can choose what you are comfortable with. But I just want you to know that I would like to spend more time with you. “
Become curious
It can also be helpful to ask your partner about specific reasons they feel uncomfortable. It is not your job to be your partner’s therapist, but your partner may appreciate that you are trying to better understand their experience. Start with something like, “I’m just curious to see what this is like for you. When I suggest focusing on you, what is the answer? »Then listen to what they have to say. You don’t have to try to fix your partner. The most powerful thing you can do is listen.
Help your partner understand why you love to give
Many people find it difficult to receive because they are worried about the experience of the giver. Your partner may be worried that you will get tired of focusing on him, or that you will just wait your turn. They may even worry that you don’t want to pay attention to them at all. You can help your partner relax by letting them know that you really want to give them attention. Tell us more about why you like it.
If you know that your partner has certain body problems, you can also try to get rid of those fears. For example, most women find it difficult to get oral sex because we are socialized and believe that our genitals smell and taste bad. If this is the case for your partner, you can help him feel more comfortable by telling her that you genuinely like her smell and taste.
Don’t do it for your own pleasure.
It’s nice to be a generous and generous partner. But what’s not so cool is forcing your partner into acceptance so you can feel like you’ve got a gold star in your bedroom. Of course, giving pleasure to your partner is pleasant, but you should want to give gifts to your partner for his pleasure, not just for yourself. Your partner may resist receiving because they feel like your attention has an ulterior motive.
This is especially true for orgasm. I hear from many women that their male partners tell them, “I need you to reach orgasm so that I can be satisfied with our sex life.” This is not an example of what you want to give and your partner is not comfortable receiving; this is an example that you are selfish.
Start outside the bedroom
If your partner is having a hard time getting attention in the bedroom, try practicing helping them get used to socializing outside the bedroom. Spend some time brainstorming how you might be generous with your partner. You can even ask your partner what you could do to help him feel pampered. Maybe you could do more than the allotted housework. Maybe you could plan a special date. The more your partner gets used to taking care of him outside the bedroom, the easier it will be to receive him in the bedroom.
Try a one-way and two-way donation
Some people may find it more convenient to receive if they can just focus on receiving. Other people feel more comfortable when they know they are willing to give back to their partner. You can ask your partner what you think they will like, but it’s worth experimenting with both. For example, one day your partner may become the “king of the day” and you will do anything and everything for him. (Role play can also help. Your partner can pretend to be someone who has no problem receiving or who even feels entitled to receive.) Next time you can try giving your partner targeted stimulation for 30 minutes, then turn off and ask them to give you targeted stimulation. Or try letting your partner focus on you first so they can relax when it’s their turn to receive. See which option your partner likes the most.