How to Come to a Consensus About Money With Your Partner
Who you will marry is one of the most important financial decisions you can make. In fact, financial incompatibility is one of the main reasons couples get divorced .
These are not exactly romantic considerations, but they are practical: is one or both of you going into debt? Do you have similar credit ratings? Are your goals aligned? Are you going to have children? Etc.
There is no shortage of advice on how to reach the same page, and most of it involves trade-offs: you are together and each of you has to give so that both of you can get . Schedule a date once a month , share responsibilities, make sure you are honest with each other from the beginning, etc.
But in a recent episode of the Forever 35 podcast, financial therapist Amanda Kleiman explains that instead of thinking of every decision as a compromise, rephrase the conversation. Think about what matters most to you and your spouse and how money can help each of you achieve what you want. Move away from compromises and move on to joint donations, Kleiman suggests. One question to ask your boyfriend: “How can I give ways that allow … our money to be a resource for what you need, and how can you give me so that money can be a resource for what I need need to? “
Realize that each of you brings different strengths, weaknesses and perspectives to your relationship.
“I think we have to stop trying to be right when it comes to money, and it’s really difficult because money is really about our most basic survival,” she says. Rather, “think about it in terms of,“ I’m bringing these parts into our lives, and my partner bringing these other parts into our lives, how can we make them match as much as possible? “”
Rather than thinking that there is a right and wrong way to spend, save, or invest money, couples should work together to figure out why they are feeling a certain way. There is no single right way to do anything, especially with money.
“Money is such a great compromise tool, it really is,” she says. “If we stop talking like ‘saving is good and spending is bad’ or ‘you are a curmudgeon and you need to live for today’, if we get out of these absolutes, we will have a great opportunity to say: ‘I need to save X, you want to spend Y, how can we negotiate with each other. “
Money Negotiations | Forever 35