Try a Timeout Instead
When my son got hysterical (and was somewhat aggressive) during his childhood / preschool years, we spent a lot of time observing the time-honored tradition of time out. Hugely popular thanks to Supernunny Joe Frost , the timeout seemed like a final outcome – and honestly not very effective – but we found ourselves repeating it over and over again, not knowing how else to fix behavior that was very bad. many are out of order.
Eventually, the inappropriate behavior subsided, which was likely more to do with his growing up and developing communication skills than the amount of time he spent staring into a corner. When my son grew up, my husband and I became foster parents; By the time our first adopted son was placed with us at the age of three, we learned something that we felt was not only more effective, but much more positive in nature: time of arrival.
Time-outs vs time-outs
The main difference between time out and time out is that instead of separating the child from the family to sit in another room, in the corner or on the step, you sit with the child and talk to him calmly. and softly about their feelings and behavior as they regulate their emotions.
Parenting coach and psychotherapist Bonnie Compton tells The Washington Post that this technique avoids the feelings of abandonment and isolation that often accompany time out.
“There is a loss of contact, which can also be interpreted as a loss of parental love, especially for young children. Children who are sent to their room often feel that their isolation is the result of their parents not wanting to be around them. ”
This can be especially dangerous for children who have a predisposition to anxiety, Compton adds. Isolation can exacerbate their fears, and the more anxious they become, the more likely they are to exhibit behavioral outbreaks such as destroying their toys or room during a timeout.
Also, timeouts may not teach the message you are trying to convey. As pediatrician Nadia Sabri writes in a Post article :
“Emotional modulation and regulation occurs with the development of the prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that does not fully develop until adolescence.”
This means that putting a child alone in a time-out situation and asking him to think about what he has done is usually a waste of time. “If you ask a child why they have a timeout, they usually say, ‘I don’t know.’
This is how you do it
Sue Lively, an elementary school teacher and parent who writes about positive parenting, sets out an excellent – and detailed – step-by-step approach to using time tracking.
First, you take a deep breath or two (you try to speak calmly and positively at a time when, in the end, you are probably feeling very frustrated). Then you move yourself and your baby to a neutral place, such as a sofa or dining table. Find a hidden need for bad behavior and acknowledge that need and their feelings.
This is how it might sound in Sue’s house:
You can say something as simple as, “You look really HEALTHY because of …” or “You look so IRRITATED right now.”
Sometimes I add something like, “What is the REAL problem here?” for my son to speak.
Then the main thing is to listen to what the child says, without denying his feelings and not trying to downplay them.
As the child breathes and you listen carefully, the emotions gradually subside.
Tears are a good sign that emotions are coming out. Hugs are also always useful if the child is ready for this.
Finally, you talk about why this behavior is unacceptable and how they can fix it if needed.
Another piece of advice: When my adopted son got hysterical, he needed me to stay with him until he calmed down. However, until he calmed down, he could not hear my words. I found that giving him a kitchen timer helped him because he could focus on the ticking sound while taking deep breaths. I set it up for a few minutes, and by the time it rang, he was usually calm enough to talk about what was going on.
For extra positives, I bought this cute owl timer for this task.