Write a Eulogy to Understand Your Life
People spend a lot of time awake, avoiding thoughts of the inevitable end. This is probably for the best, since thinking about your death is painful. But it turns out it’s also a very useful thing to think about when trying to understand your life.
Tech companies and CEOs used a specific thought experiment as a way to decide what to do next and write their own eulogy. This became popular in part because of the coaching group called Building Champions; their head coach Daniel Harkavi told Fast Company about the technique and why it works.
“When we take the time to write a eulogy, it creates this magnetic force that pulls us forward,” says Harkavi. “Our priorities and our vision of where we want to be as leaders, and how we will achieve it, are receiving special attention. This clarity allows us to make the best decisions, abandon habitual habits, create new habits and move towards a better future. “
If you think you can handle it, this is how the concept of your own demise works.
Take time for this
This is not your shopping list. If you are going to take your own eulogy seriously, spend as much time on it as you would write a eulogy to a dear friend. Move to a quiet place, away from the Internet and office politics. Maybe outdoors. Maybe a coffee shop. Somewhere you can take a little break from everyday life and focus on the task at hand: your death.
Write your first eulogy
There are actually two parts to the exercise. The first part is writing what they would say about you if you died today . While you shouldn’t be unkind to yourself, you should be realistic about what achievements will be honored. Harkavi then says to take one more step:
“Imagine your memorial service as if it were taking place right now. Your coffin is in the center of the stage, and looking down the center aisle, you see the first three rows, usually reserved for those we were closest to. Who is sitting there for you? ” he asked. “Most likely your family and closest friends. Now keep looking down the aisle and now you are looking at rows 10 to 20. Who is sitting there? Perhaps acquaintances, clients, customers. What have you given to people in these ranks? “
Harkawi often gets the same answers to these questions, saying that CEOs usually claim their clients say they got the best of an imaginary dead person in a coffin, but friends and family say they got “leftovers.” You don’t have to be a CEO to realize that your life may not be balanced. Imagine what the people in the ranks would say and it will give you an idea of what you need to change in your life.
Write your second and future eulogies
The best part about the first eulogy is that when it’s over, you will most likely be alive! This means that you can change everything. You are Ebenezer Scrooge after his encounter with the ghost of the Christmas future. This is your “heritage statement,” or how you would like to be remembered someday.
“By writing both the eulogy and the legacy sayings, you can begin to see the gap between where you are and how you want to be remembered in the future,” says Harkavi. “This gap then creates a tangible need that should push you to plan to close those gaps in your life.”
You can even look at them side by side later and see what is missing between them. What have you ignored or delayed? Who are you not affiliated with? Where haven’t you gone? What are you wasting your time on that doesn’t matter at the end? Now you know. And you can still do something about it.
Make a sincerity check
If you are going to take the time to do this exercise, make it as real as possible to yourself. It is very scary to face death, therefore, as they say, “go there” is not worth it. But Harkavi says the easiest way to test if you’re being honest with yourself is to read the eulogy aloud and see if it affects you emotionally.
“Praising and affirming heritage will push you towards realizing your desired future only if it touches both your head and your heart. If your heart is not in this, it will be difficult to make the necessary changes and decisions that will lead you to this great future. “
If you can’t get there, put it aside and check it later to see if you’re missing something that catches your eye. But not much later. After all, we have so much time on this earth.