I’m Dylan Turas, Co-Founder of Atlas Obscura, and This Is How I Parent
Dylan Turas is co-founder and creative director of Atlas Obscura , a guide to the world’s hidden wonders. This is a place where you can be transported to a Japanese island, where there are more cats than people, or to the famous Museum of America’s medical oddities, or to an Australian lake, whose pink tint defies scientific explanation. Turas is the co-author of the new children’s book Atlas Obscura Explorer ‘s Guide for the World’s Most Adventurous Child, describing it as “a small example of what is amazing and beautiful in our world.” A father of two, he tells us about his parents.
Name: Dylan Touras Location: Rosendale, New York Job: Co-founder and Creative Director of Atlas Obscura Family: My wife is Michelle Enemark. She is a freelance animator. We have a three year old son Phineas, whom we call Finn, and a seventeen month old daughter named Jean.
Tell us a little about your family and your career.
Ten years ago Atlas was a passionate project. I did this on nights and weekends when I was a freelance editor. And then over time, it turned into something much more. In 2013, I controlled all aspects of the company and burned a candle on both sides. And we will soon have Finn, our son. It suddenly became clear that I could not continue to do business like this and be a real, active father. It’s time to do something else. So we raised the money and hired a CEO, and that gave me the freedom to move into the creative director role. And then when our second child, Jean, was born, we made another change to get out of town. We are now about two hours from the state in Rosendale.
We have made a decision now to put family life above work. It comes at a price – there are some things that seem like lost opportunities or something else. But life is long, and the time when your children are small is short. Of course, when you’re in it, it feels like eternity, and it’s like, “Oh my God. When will you grow up and not be so difficult? “But then you realize that it’s actually about five years. When you orient your family around this idea, it can give you permission to not be a hero and do it all at once. So my wife is currently not working and I go to the office one or two days a week. I am incredibly lucky to be able to spend as much time with my children as I can.
What is it like working with children at home?
My family split has always been chaotic. If you work from home, things just pop up. Your partner may need your help with things, for example, suddenly both babies are screaming and you can’t help but intervene in a good mind. And it can be tricky. But the compromise is the ability to just walk in the middle of the day. Or I was just working on a small construction project in our yard – Finn was away with his toolbox and I was away with my toolbox. Things like that make him worthwhile to me.
Tell us about your morning routine.
In our family, the coin of the kingdom is morning. Anything could be exchanged for the morning. My daughter has a terrible habit of waking up around 5:30. Usually we get up with her in turn.
I am making breakfast. It is usually quite simple, like muesli or oatmeal. Finn goes to Waldorf school and we put together his lunch the night before. The person who sleeps falls asleep until about 8:30 am. If we are kind, another person will bring them coffee and say, “Hey, you have ten minutes before you have to start getting up.” And then he goes to school at 9 years old. Around this time, Jin is either put to bed or someone is hanging out with her.
How much outside help do you get as a parent?
Unfortunately, our families are far away. Mine is in Minnesota. My wife’s mother passed away recently, so this summer has been tough. We have a nanny from time to time, but there is no regular help. To some extent, this is done on purpose. But there are times when I think it is very important to be able to be alone with yourself as an adult.
What gadgets, apps, charts, or tools do you rely on?
When we were little, we used the Wonder Weeks app. We were totally attached to it, trying to figure out what was happening to him. Then, when our daughter came, she was like this: yes, whenever everything is fine with her. It is very commonplace, but it is perfectly true that the second time you become a different parent.
In terms of screen time, I love the world we live in right now, where we can just very selectively choose shows that we think are great. There are some awesome shows on Netflix right now. Puffin Rock is great. We’re also trying a new show called Hilda, which looks really good. At the moment, I am much more concerned about the time in front of the screen than about children. Abstract parenting is a thing. You can look at your phone several times a day for a variety of practical reasons, but sometimes you’re just doing it because your mind is: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaut it on themselves.” I started using an app called Mute, which tracks how much time I talk on the phone, so I can cut it down to 45 minutes a day.
We’re not super-awesome travelers or anything like that, but we have things we bring with us, which is useful. Strollers with a travel system are just awesome – the ones in which the seats can unfold and turn into car seats. It just saves you the hassle of lugging around another giant item. We also have one of those foldable booster seats that you can clip to any chair . In the rest of the world, the restaurants you want to eat are probably not the ones that have a set of 10 high chairs. I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of creating the perfect one and only bag – a “backpack for traveling with children”, but the problem is that children change so much over time that it was always necessary to change the backpack.
What are your most proud moments as a parent?
I get a moment of pride when I see Finn and, to some extent, Jin, playing and deeply involved in the world around them. One of the things that makes it possible to be outside the city is that Finn can be in the yard alone, and we can watch him play independently. Seeing him plunge into this free space for creativity, we think: “Ok, we made the right decisions.”
What are you doing to help him get into this creative space?
This is partly due to the environment in which we find ourselves. When we were in the city, it was much more difficult. It is doable, but much more complicated. Plus, it just gives him a lot of unattended time. To a certain extent trusting their ability not to die. We let him use his own small saw and hammer, and we let him hold the knife and cut things. We are there, but we give him a long leash. The kids are really talented. And the more you give them this place, the more capable and responsible they become.
What are your favorite family rituals?
It is so small and simple, but we light candles before eating. Sometimes we let Finn light them, and at the end he puts them out. It is a very small thing, but it has a bit of magic in it. And lately, I’ve been taking my son on a hike in the backyard. He helps me put up a tent, and we make a fire. I know that I am making our lives more idyllic and connected than they are. It is not as if we live as peacefully as we do in the Zen village monastic life. In fact, we are crazy and our home is a mess, and we are just as much to blame for being harassed and overwhelmed as everyone else.
Are there any tricks for dealing with tantrums?
Sometimes I think I can just let them happen. You can even leave them upset and come back later. Give them space and affirm, “You’re upset and that’s okay.”
What’s the hardest part about being a parent?
Present. Indeed, indeed be present. The world and the news cycle are pretty awful right now, and we are all haunted by Slack, email, Twitter and Instagram. So building a life in which you can be as present as possible is a challenge for everyone in the world. But that’s what I want to do as much as possible. And I can’t do that much.