How to Complete the “impossible Task” When You Are Depressed
When you’re depressed, every little thing – from a recipe to making a sandwich – can seem impossible. Writer Molly Backes recently tweeted about what she calls “Impossible Challenge,” and if you’ve ever struggled with your mental health, you probably know exactly what she’s talking about.
According to Backes, an impossible task can be anything in your life. It should be easy, and you can’t bring yourself to do it, and then you start berating yourself for not being able to do such a simple thing.
In fact, you are not alone – many people with depression experience this feeling, as do people with other mental disorders, including anxiety. Impossible task is not a technical term (yet), but I spoke with several therapists who are familiar with this phenomenon. “I can confidently say that most people with major depressive disorder are struggling with an ‘impossible task,’” says Mary Fisher, clinical mental health consultant based in Salt Lake City, Utah. “Addressing painful, confusing feelings in simple terms can reduce those painful, confusing feelings, so thanks to Molly Backes. “
“Most therapists are familiar with this type of symptom,” says Mary Crocker Cook, a marriage and family therapist. “I always call it a mud walk. Everything seems too complicated. However, people who do not suffer from depression know little about this and do not understand it. “
This means that it can be difficult to explain what’s going on, even to the people in your life who love you. And it’s especially hard when you yourself don’t fully understand.
Why tasks become impossible
I asked the therapists why an impossible task rears its ugly head and received three different but consistent answers. By the way, none of them call this an impossible task, so if you bring this up with a therapist, be prepared to explain what you mean. But they all recognize this phenomenon.
People with depression often struggle with the “cognitive triad,” says Nicole Hollingshead, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor at Ohio State University’s Wexner Medical Center. This is due to negative thoughts about yourself, the world around you and the future. In particular, according to her, “a person often considers himself worthless, the world is cruel and indifferent, and the future is hopeless.”
Cook sees an impossible task combined with low energy, for example, in a person who needs to rest after a simple job. She also sees this in people who feel “mentally clouded” and have difficulty making decisions.
Fischer says that “Just like the fight-or-flight response, depression is our brain’s method of coping with a threat that we believe is insurmountable.” She thinks, drawing on the work of her mentor, Lorna Smith Benjamin , that we learn to imitate parenting behavior as children, because doing familiar things makes us feel safe and comfortable. If your parents didn’t have the best response to stress, you might fall into the same patterns.
What to do if the task is not feasible
First, show yourself a little compassion. All the experts I spoke with have emphasized that this is not a personal mistake, but what depression is doing to you. Some things that can help you overcome momentum:
Give yourself credit
Of course, maybe you haven’t made that phone call yet, but you did something to do today, maybe you got out of bed. Hey, this is the beginning. You can also focus on what you know how to do. Not every task is impossible.
Set realistic goals for yourself
Pay attention to which tasks are still possible, and remember that they may be related to an impossible task or a small part of it. Hollingshead says that sometimes a simple task can seem overwhelming because it reminds you of other things: “If I’m making my bed, then I really need to clean my room, and the dishes are piled up and the trash needs to be taken out …” So, put it realistic goal: I wash and arrange the dishes.
It can be helpful to have a daily schedule of what you can and should do without overwhelming yourself. Marking up items on your schedule can help you better understand what you’ve accomplished so far, and they can also help keep your life out of control in other areas.
Remember useless thoughts
Depression is a moron and you might call it bullshit. “Remember useless thoughts like ‘You are worthless.’ or “What’s the point in that?” and challenge them by focusing on what you can do instead of getting carried away with everything you think you cannot do, ”says Hollingshead.
So you don’t have to scold yourself for not completing an impossible task. “It’s important to understand that Impossible is not a personal mistake,” says Fischer. “This is not weakness; and that’s not nonsense. In fact, it’s your old brain doing exactly what evolution has shaped it to do: respond to threat. ”
Get professional help if you can
If mental health problems make you find certain tasks impossible, simply completing the task doesn’t really solve your problem. You need the appropriate help to keep your brain from doing any more impossible tasks that you had to contend with.
Seeking help can mean a therapy conversation with or without medication, such as an SSRI. Trust a professional to help you figure out what works best for you. You may not be depressed, but you may have a different mental illness. Again, a professional will be in a better position to help you figure this out. (But if you’re curious about the symptoms of clinical depression, they’re here . You can become depressed if you lose interest in something for at least two weeks in a way that affects your school, work, or social life.)
Getting help can be an overwhelming task in itself. If so, consider it one, recognize your negative thoughts and see what you can do about it. Focus on finding parts of the task that you can complete, rather than berating yourself. Take a look at these help search options if you’re not sure if you can afford it . If you are not ready to meet a person, remember that there are online services and applications that can make communication easier.
Find your support network
Chances are, there are people in your life who want to help you. They may not be aware of the kind of help you need, and you may have avoided talking to them.
Cook says she had a recent client who was faced with impossible tasks and whose family did not understand. She offered to meet with the client’s parents to explain the situation; perhaps your therapist could do the same (or you could send him this article).
If anyone has ever told you, “Let me know if you need anything,” consider it your invitation to tell that person about your impossible task. Even if they cannot complete the entire task for you – say, it’s a phone call that you need to make in person – they may be able to help you decide who to call and when, or hold your hand while you are on the phone. … …
A word to friends of people with mental health problems
Seeking help can be an overwhelming task in itself. Check out your friends who may be experiencing difficulties and ask them what their impossible tasks are. Molly Becks writes that one day a friend drove two blocks with her and went to the pharmacy with her for a prescription. “It was an amazing gift, ” she says . You may be able to make this gift to someone in your life.