How to Sex
Sexting is one of those personal matters that we don’t talk about directly – perhaps because the recognition that we are sex tells people that digital nudity exists. Let’s unlock our phones and discuss outdoor text stimulation.
First, sexting is completely normal. Maybe you do not, but you’ll be in the minority. In 2013, Scientific American magazine wrote that 50 percent of people “used their mobile devices” to send intimate texts, emails, or photographs. In 2015, the LA Times claimed that 88 percent of US residents had sex and 96 percent approved of it. By now, I’m going to assume that everyone has left their doubts.
But what caused these doubts? Well, there is a lot of panic on your local news channel about teen sexting; teenagers deserve our protection, but according to CBS News, few of them are actually sexts. Only about 15 percent do this, compared with 41 percent of teens who just have sex. Worry is a little out of proportion to the problem.
There are also many concerns about your digital information slipping away from you. “Revenge pornography” can now be prosecuted in some states, but that also means more people have heard of it. This is not an unreasonable fear. You do, but consensual sexting is not sinister and shouldn’t involve someone sharing your photos without consent.
Finally, a lot has been written about the damn picture of an unsolicited member. It doesn’t seem to stop the people who send them from doing it, but it makes anyone who cares about this sort of thing nervous. Is this member image welcome? If required, this is part of sexting. Enjoy!
Has it helped you relax? Okay. Now let’s move on to another question about sexting that many people have: “Am I doing it right?” Here are some responses I’ve received from friends, colleagues, and acquaintances about their sexting habits to help you figure it out.
To strip or not to strip
Most people agree that they will not post nude bodies with their faces. The only man who ever sent me nude bodies that could be easily recognized was also working in porn, so his shit was already there . While people in close relationships may send each other nude, when it came to more laid-back nudity, several people said they were more likely to send it to a stranger than to someone they know in real life. I asked why and they told me:
Eh, I just feel like some dude that I slept with or texted by accident would do with a picture that doesn’t have my face on it?
While I know someone, go, it could somehow be seen by mutual acquaintances where it is less anonymous.
A transgender friend explained that she has levels for how many naked people go to strangers, depending on that person’s gender identity:
No nude photos of my face, unless it’s with a partner or another transgender person (we have a deep connection).
Just as one nude for the cis guy, I try to seduce because there are too many and they lose interest. (Read: they masturbate and wander).
Never trust quick invitations for sex messages from a cis lady on a dating app because this is a 100% cis dude who wants a photo.
She says she is more comfortable having sex with someone she is dating, but there is a game to try it with anyone who is interested because “I love sending pictures of my boobs!”
Which brings me to:
What do you get from this
There are many reasons people have sex. One woman told me that sometimes she sends nude pictures to a friend she has never had sex with because she says, “He just appreciates them, and I love compliments.”
One guy told me sexting is like choosing your own adventure pornography.
“I like it more than just watching porn.
For people in long-term or long-distance relationships, this is a way to maintain arousal from sex, although there might be work to be done if you do it on a regular basis. One person said, “My girlfriend uses her phone a lot at work, so we leave anything really obscene for live (unrecorded) video chats.”
Rules
Once you understand what your position is with respect to nudity, you don’t have many rules. The depth of a relationship seems to have little effect on whether someone has sex, but it does change how long it will last.
“I used to have a couple of people I had sex with, but I quickly got bored,” someone told me.
But here are some of the things that people have been adamant about:
Consent before shipment. And then the dirtiest shit imaginable.
I have a no-dick rule before I can see your dick in real life.
That’s all. Consent is sexy, even text-based.
Tone
If you’re looking for a sex partner on Tinder, it’s usually best to be honest about it. On dating apps, I ran into an unpleasant amount (for them, not for me) of people who want to have sex but do all the shows, chat with you, and ask you out on a date before saying, “So what are you doing? ? “
If you ask yourself this question, they will inevitably become ghosts even before you meet; or to quote my friend above: “They masturbate and wander.”
I am not disappointed that I will never meet the person who does this, but it is an annoying waste of time. If you just want to sexting, there are obviously many other people interested, so you can be more direct. If you’ve actually dated and are dating someone, things get more complicated.
If you haven’t had sexual intercourse yet, wait. Someone who hasn’t even kissed you yet probably doesn’t want your first experience together through iPhone messenger. And if you have had sexual contact by texting “Blah blah, it was really hot last night,” this is a great opportunity to find out what else you both think is hot.
It’s still pretty easy to figure out what to say, so I’ll just share this block of incredible tips from veteran sexter:
Get in it! Don’t be embarrassed, don’t be stupid or hesitate. Of course, if you re-read them the next morning in harsh daylight, it will sound absurd, but the same thing happens in the realm of sex if you examine it closely outside the hustle and bustle. Use harsh, varied language, describe situations / fantasies / thoughts / emotions, find the right balance between eroticism and mechanics, if what you want you do physically.
Hell. Yes.
Just say no
I know I’ve talked about sexting throughout the post, but it’s not for everyone. And this is completely normal.
“I don’t know how and when I tell people that I don’t know how they lose interest or talk to me about ordinary things,” a friend told me. “I never thought about training and I find texting to be a chore.”
Sexting doesn’t have to be tedious or uncomfortable. Remember that there is at least a small percentage of the population that will never, ever send you a sixth, no matter how much you plead. Although it does sound erotic …
Eme Lyutkin is a freelance writer who blogs a lot about dating . She currently travels the country and is going on a date in every city she visits.