Do Your Thing Drunk

Your floor is dirty. Your cart is full. You need to change the light bulb and do your laundry. You’re always busy, and homework is just irrelevant. Here’s an idea: get drunk.

If you’ve ever come home after a night out at a bar and started tidying up furiously, you know what I mean. The right amount of booze, combined with the right mood, can work like a sloppy Adderall and help you complete simple errands. By keeping this in mind when you’re sober, you can prepare your future drunk self to handle household chores. And you’ll have a blast, because when you’re drunk clean:

You get to the point

Drinking lowers inhibitions, we all know this, but we mostly think about it in terms of social lubrication or self-destructive behavior. But these lowered bans can also help you do tedious or unpleasant work. You just need to get ready.

The trick is to prepare as much as possible while you are sober. Do anything to procrastinate until later, such as buying supplies, getting a mop, and anything other than the chores itself. Place them all so that your drunken self can see them. This is housework “to write while drunk, edit while sober.”

Don’t plan too hard, don’t get hung up on it, and don’t commit to yourself. Your future drunken self is a cat, and you play a game with it, cleverly laying out a shoebox and a catnip fish toy, behaving shyly. “I don’t care,” you tease yourself. “I just posted these things for myself. Do whatever you want.”

Get drunk properly. Define your own style. My drunken productivity is more like increased productivity; I find this by drinking 2.5 glasses of beer and talking about my short-term aspirations. I am very concerned about achieving my goals and all this nonsense gets in the way, so I start doing all this nonsense. When I’m drunk enough to lie like, “You and I need to hang out more!” I know I’m in the mood to improve my life before the booze runs out.

You sublimate all this drunken energy

When you’re drunk, you don’t want the night to end. (Except when you do, and that’s okay, get some sleep, try again next time!) You think going to bed is for losers . So you are looking for an after-after-after-party, you write to your friends “still not ???”, you write to your ex “you got up ???” You are embarrassed because you do not have a healthy place to put all this energy into.

Use this energy to clean your bathroom.

You don’t mind getting on all fours when drunk. You won’t get tired of cleaning the tiles, because you are going to clean the tiles right now. You don’t even choke on the smell in the toilet, and if you do, it’s already right above the toilet! No fuss, no fuss! Get back to work!

If you have a company, link them to it. Ask your tall friend to change the light bulb. Don’t make someone else clean up for you, but maybe get them to talk to you while you fold the laundry. Or start a routine of doing in their house, helping them, fixing their kitchen cupboard, sweeping the hall. You are allowed to mock your friends because of their dirty apartment if you clean it while drunk. You are so proud of yourself.

You feel amazing

Have you ever cleaned up after a party on a party night ? Just went for it, recycled the bottles before they could stink in the living room, maybe even vacuumed until your neighbors hit the ceiling? You have turned on your favorite music, you have done difficult maneuvers to save yourself from another trip to the kitchen, pouring all the unwashed wine into one transparent plastic glass. You made yourself a little mess, but you didn’t mind, you cleaned it up, you had fun.

Do you remember the next morning how grateful you were to yourself? How big was your day, were there extra hours for brunch and recovery? Your body, your temple, still paid a price, but your castle did not. The kitchen was clean, the coffee machine was full and ready to be turned on. You can walk all the way to the shower without stepping on leftover beer.

Now do it without a party. Consider how far you will get ahead. You will crush it. And put it in the trash can.


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