How Partners of Nursing Mothers Can Actually Be Helpful
Author Catherine Valente found a passage in The New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding – a book written in 2002, not 1952, mind you – that says, “Fathers, if your wife has problems or pain, step in and change her technique, reminding her that successful breastfeeding is a priority for the development of the baby and the creation of your new family! “Her reaction? No.
She tweeted:
Dads and partners are a really important part of breastfeeding success. But the way you offer support can make a huge difference. Here’s how you can really help a nursing mom (and live to tell about it).
Know her goals
Like many new mothers, it was difficult for me to breastfeed. My daughter didn’t breastfeed and I had to wear nipple covers , which made me think my nipples didn’t fit. And we kept taking formula supplements, which I knew didn’t really matter (seriously, thank God for the formula), but it was very frustrating at the time. This feeling of failure came back every two to three hours, every time my child needed to eat. I cried a lot. My husband, of course, didn’t want to see me get sick and kept telling me that I could quit smoking. I know his reminders were troubling, but they sounded more discouraging than helpful. I would say, “I told myself that I will keep trying for a month, so this is what I’m going to do.” (I finally got used to it after five weeks and ended up breastfeeding for 20 months.)
My colleague Beth put it this way: “You go to marathons and shout:“ Don’t do this! You might as well drive a car! “? Know your breastfeeding partner’s goals so that when things get tough, you can support her original intention. (Of course, there are problems and you will often have to change the route as needed, but you get the idea, right?)
Be a useful player
Even if you have no food, you are not useless – not at all. As a dad named James, a member of the Offspring Facebook group, explains, “As a baseball player, you don’t need to play, but you need to help make the game easier.” This means helping mom feel comfortable (propping her up with pillows, rolling her warmth and ice packs, massaging her breasts if her ducts are blocked or mastitis), filling her glass of water and snacks before she asks, washing bottles, and pump. parts, taking out the baby when she is not breastfeeding (dress the baby in a bandage and go for a walk if it’s a good day), and keep the house tidy. Then, when it’s time to feed, bring the baby to her.
Tell her some helpful resources.
There are times when your partner needs outside help, so make it easy for her. Have a breastfeeding counselor, doula, or midwife number on your phone, and if she is having trouble, ask her, “Would you like me to call?” It can also be helpful for her to talk (or sob) with a girl who knows how difficult breastfeeding can be, so remind her of that person. (Online breastfeeding communities can be great too, although in my experience it’s hard to find a group that doesn’t really judge your choices.) Basically, let her know she’s not alone.
Know things
Know what cluster feeding is . Realize that engorgement can hurt as hell. Find out that disappointment is not what she thinks of you. Explore different types of leads . Being with her in this experience means being educated and able to talk to her or outside professionals about the many related issues.
Listen
Often times, the most important thing for a breastfeeding mom is for you to just be there and listen. You don’t have to say “think positively” or “you have it!” or “your boobs look huge.” Listen to her, rub her neck and tell her that she’s doing great, that you are here for her, and that you love her. Then take the child one more time and let him take a nap.