How to Deal With Anxiety About Penis Size

There are several topics that can cause such common and intense anxiety as the size of the penis. Almost every man – regardless of the size of his penis – worries that he is too small. Here’s what you need to know about penis size and what to do if you are afraid that your penis is smaller than “normal”.


Let’s talk about pure numbers first. It is difficult to determine the true average penis size for a number of reasons, including reporting bias and cross-cultural differences, but a recent comprehensive review found the average erect size to be just over 5 inches. 5.2 inches to be exact. Most of my clients think six or even seven inches is average, but it is not.

Penis size does not affect pleasure

And now for the great news: the size of your penis also has absolutely no effect on the amount of pleasure you are able to experience. A larger penis does not mean more pleasure during sex.

While disturbing thoughts in the back of your head may tell you, the size of your penis also has a surprisingly small effect on the amount of pleasure your partner is capable of experiencing.

If you sleep with women, the size of your penis is not as important as you think, because penetration is not the most pleasant sexual activity for a woman. Most of the nerve endings of the female genital organs are concentrated in the clitoris. There are so few nerve endings in the vaginal canal that there is not even a scientific calculation of them. The nerve endings of the vagina are grouped closer to the outer third of the vagina, which means that deeper penetration is not more enjoyable. Penetration in itself is not the most pleasant experience for women, because it does not cause strong clitoral stimulation. In fact, 70-80% of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Women may feel the subtle difference between a smaller and larger penis, but this is more a matter of fullness than pleasure. A larger penis is no better at handling clitoral stimulation than a smaller penis.

If you sleep with men and always have deep contact with anal sex, you will indeed be preferable to having a smaller penis. The rectum cannot stretch in the same way as the vagina, so a smaller penis feels better than a larger one.

Of course, there are people out there who would prefer a larger than normal penis. But the size of the penis is not an obstacle for the vast majority of people. If you’re worried about your penis size, try imagining yourself on the opposite side of the equation. Would you dump your partner solely because of the size of her labia? Or her breasts? Or his penis? I doubt. I bet that you see your partner as a whole human being, and not as a collection of body parts. Let your partner see you the same way.

Sometimes it’s not just about your penis.

For some men, anxiety about penile size is a symptom of an underlying anxiety problem. If you are worried about your penis size on a daily basis, or if the intensity of your anxiety seems overwhelming, you can focus on managing your anxiety on a daily basis.

The most common recommendation I make for managing anxiety is to practice mindfulness. I love using the Headspace app because it actually teaches you to be mindful. He uses many very practical explanations that are easy to understand. Headspace has an introductory series that you can try for free. If you like it, you can pay a small monthly fee for more episodes on different topics. In particular, you can check out their series on Anxiety Management. Many of my clients (especially male clients with performance issues) find this streak extremely useful.

If watching porn raises concerns about penis size, you may want to take a temporary (or permanent) break from watching. It’s easy to forget that porn is for fun and that porn actors are mostly supposed to have big penises. If you see big penises every day, it’s easy to get a distorted view of what’s “normal.”

I have worked with several clients who have tortured themselves by doing online penis size research. Perhaps this is how you found this article! Such research is, of course, useless and tends to exacerbate anxiety. You might want to add some kind of browser extension to your computer to avoid performing such searches. You can also block yourself on penis size websites and forums that you usually visit.

How to work with your penis

As I mentioned above, the size of your penis does not play as much of a role in sexual pleasure as you might think. But if you prefer the smaller side, there are a few things you can do to work with what you have:

  • Get good results with foreplay. Focus on improving your hand stimulation and oral sex skills. If you sleep with a woman, these skills are especially appreciated as she is much more likely to have an orgasm from manual or oral arousal than from intercourse.
  • Find the right posture for your penis. In general, you need to look for positions where you can get deep penetration. If you sleep with a woman, it is usually best to have her keep her legs together for a tighter fit. Raising her legs up will also help you stay inside. During intercourse, focus more on rubbing than pushing back and forth.
  • Use a cock ring. A penis ring can help your penis feel bigger by trapping blood in your shaft. To use one, you will get an erection and then slide the ring onto the base of your penis. Some models are also designed to wrap around the testicles. I recommend the plain neoprene version with a push-button closure.
  • Try a penis extender or sleeve. If you really want a longer and fuller penis, you can buy penis extenders or sleeves. These products slide over the penis like a condom, increasing its size. They are usually adorned with spikes for added stimulation to your partner. Make sure you are made from body-safe medical grade silicone.


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