Introvert’s Guide to Raising an Extrovert
As an introvert married to an introvert, I assumed that our son would of course be an introvert.
As a child, Ryan stood at the edge of the playground for over an hour before joining her. In preschool age, he cried during his graduation from high school. My husband and I looked at each with a knowing gleam in our eyes, the words hovered between us unspoken: “This is our little introvert!”
However, as Ryan got older and his personality really began to emerge, we realized something. He was not shy – he was careful. He was not afraid of other children or group settings; he was just struggling with transitions. And other people didn’t drain his energy the way I did after a dinner party or holiday meeting. Instead, once he felt comfortable with the situation, he seemed to begin to thrive on the energy of others.
Now that he is almost 8 years old and our only child, he longs for the constant company of other children. I am in awe of the ease with which he makes friends and the value of maintaining them. He would be very happy with a weekend full of one-off games with his classmates, soccer teammates, or the kids who occasionally visit the house in the alley.
Problem? To me. Like his mother (or, as I like to say, “cruise director”), he relies on me to arrange this. “Just call Mom Matthew,” he says. “Tell her he can come. And he can bring all his army men, his Nerf and whatever he wants. Hey, maybe Darius should come too! “
Call Mom Matthew? I hardly KNOW Mom Matthew after two years of meeting her almost every single day. And I met Darius’s mother only TWICE, which is practically the same as never. What would I even say? Why is my heart racing?
I’m never going to be that chatty parent who manages to befriend all the cool moms at school and accidentally schedule impromptu outings. I had to learn how to keep Ryan active and interact with other children without exposing myself so much that I want to cringe and die.
This is how I do it:
1) Folder entry trick. When I need to first contact a parent I’ve never met (or, incidentally, only met twice), I post a note in Ryan’s school folder with my phone number. He gives a friend to pass it on to his parents, and the pressure is relieved. It usually works, and if not, I can officially say that I tried it.
2) Text messages. This is the best friend of an introvert. It’s short, cuddly, and much less inconvenient than a phone call (pro tip: The name and phone number on birthday party invitations is almost always your mom’s. Save it! After you answer the party with a text message, you opened up an ideal line of communication for future play activities.)
3) Hosting. Nobody really wants to throw parties, right? It’s not my favorite way to spend Saturday, but it works. I suggest that parents just leave the child (minimum of small talk!), And while the children play, I catch up with the laundry or read the book. Everybody wins.
4) Team sports. There are many, many team sports. Ryan interacts with a whole group of kids at the same time, and I can sit on the sidelines and talk to my husband and no one else and not seem rude.
5) Summer camps. Many, many summer camps. It’s even better than team sports because I can drive it and find myself a quiet corner at the nearest café to work on.
When all else fails, I just cross my fingers and hope the extrovert will take pity on me and strike up a friendship so I don’t have to. (This worked in at least one case.)