How to Try to Reconnect With Someone Who Is Gone
This week we have a man who met the girl of his dreams, but work got in the way before romance could bloom. Is there a good way to reach out to the one who slipped away and revive the magic?
Some people have problems that require the delicate advice of a qualified professional. Others just need a random guy on the internet to kick them in the teeth (i.e. honestly). I am the last one. Welcome back to Tough Love .
Note: I am by no means a therapist or medical professional. People ask for my advice, and I give them. End of transaction. If you have any problems, please submit a formal complaint here . Now that this doesn’t get in the way, let’s continue.
Hi, Patrick,
What is the best way to restore a previous interest that has faded? I met this woman at a bar a few months ago on a Saturday night. We talked for several minutes, made each other laugh, exchanged numbers. The problem is that I have a very busy job, which is 90% travel-related, so dating has been almost impossible for the past two years.
When I first wrote to this woman, she seemed to be delighted with the meeting. We had planned to go out for a drink this coming Thursday, but another unpleasant thing about my job is the journey is completely unpredictable. On Wednesday morning, my boss called me and said that I needed to fly to Atlanta tonight, so I had to cancel the date. We rescheduled the schedule, then they called me again. And again. And again … It took three weeks before this woman and I could finally go on a date. Usually, when this happens, women lose interest even before we even spend time. The fact that she still wanted to hang out after I canceled so many times amazed me.
The date was awesome! We had a lot in common, we had the same sense of humor and a lot of chemistry. Unfortunately, we never met again. My job got me retired again and I was away for 10 weeks in a row. At first we continued to write and call, but over time this gradually disappeared.
At the end of the month I start a new, more stable job and I would like to try again with it. But I honestly don’t know how to revive what was dead two months ago. What should I say? Is it possible? Would I be a jerk? Maybe I should just go ahead and try with someone else?
Regards, Weary Traveler
Hello tired traveler :
The good news is that it looks like she liked you, the relationship between you did not end badly, and it hasn’t been long since you last spoke, so there is still hope. The bad news is, she may already be gone. Two months of radio silence doesn’t mean she’s already engaged, but she has plenty of time to fall head over heels in love with someone and forget about you.
Whether she found someone or not, you can contact her – if your availability is actually improving. If you can guarantee that you won’t be such a slippery devil now, she may be just as interested in starting over. The main thing is to tell her about this impending change in your life and how it will be easier for you to see and get to know each other. So, Traveler, send her a text message like:
If you had an inner joke or some special memory, it doesn’t hurt to mention that as well. Remind her that you had fun and did not forget about the time you spent together. Then add this to your post:
It’s perfectly fair for you to reach out to her – that won’t make you a jerk – but it’s also fair if you give her a way out. Also, manage your expectations before hitting the submit button, Traveler. You can only get a quick “No thanks!” or you may not get an answer at all, which is completely justified at this stage. She doesn’t owe you anything here, so keep that in mind.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY FUNCTIONAL AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.