Wetting Your Hands Does Not Mean Washing Your Hands.

This is what I see all too often: some guy uses the toilet, walks over to the sink, pours some water on his fingers, shakes them off, then walks out of the toilet. Ugh. It gives almost nothing, impatient, rude monster.

You know? Fine. I assume that you are in doubt, and I assume that you were never taught to wash. Maybe you grew up in one of those communes stuck in the past, like The Village , I don’t know. Anyway, here’s what you should definitely do after touching your genitals or wiping your ass (please):

  1. Go to the sink and pour at least some warm water.
  2. Dampen your hands with the indicated water.
  3. Apply soap or liquid soap to your hands. This is a must . Yes it. No, trying one soap dispenser and discarding it because it is empty is not okay. Try it here, you lazy bastard.
  4. Rub your hands together for 20-30 seconds (no, this is not “too long”). Palm to palm, palm to the back of each hand, between the fingers, and so on. Cover every inch of your hands with sweet foam. Here are some pictures if you can’t figure it out .
  5. Wash the soap – and all that nasty germs and dirt – from your hands.

Wow! You did it. If you shake your hands as dry as possible ( about 12 good shakes should do this ), you’ll get extra points, so you don’t have to use 80 paper towels to dry off.

If you’re wondering why soap is so important, it’s because it’s a surfactant that causes dirt, bacteria, and other nasty grime from your hands to slide right into the water. Is rinsing with water alone better than doing nothing at all? Yes, sort of like (wet germs seem worse to me). But come on, just take the extra minute to use the soap and wash up, you filthy animal.

While hand sanitizer may work as a last resort, it does not remove dirt and grime and should not be relied on. If you don’t have soap, at least soak your hands in hot water for a few seconds and dry your hands vigorously with a paper towel instead of splashing a few drops on your fingers before wiping them on your dirty jeans.

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