How to Keep Your Hamburger Dry
I love the good, juicy burger in the restaurant, but damn it they are dirty. The minute you grab one for a bite, half a liter of hamburger juice is poured onto your plate, making it a terrible place to store a hamburger if you don’t like raw buns. Here is my personal workaround.
Typically, you only have one option to avoid a messy and damp mess: Once you grab a hamburger, never put it on until you’re done. It’s a fun game, but once you’ve won a few times, you’ll find it’s more fun to play the game of “drinking beer and eating fries between burger snacks”. Most establishments will automatically serve you fried potatoes along with a hamburger. I’m not sure, but this may actually be the law in most states. I suggest that you take several of these cards and place them parallel to each other on a plate, about a quarter of an inch apart. This is the “grill grate” and it is on this that the hamburger should now be placed.
Basically, you have created a sort of grate through which the hamburger juice will drain onto the plate, as well as a dry platform for the hamburger to rest. No more puddles of hamburger juice and no more wet buns falling apart before you even have half of that juicy half-pound pie. French fries also act as a sponge to soak up some juice before they even start pouring over your plate. Sure, this method requires sacrificing a few good fries, but they knew what they were getting into when they signed up.
If the fries that make up your dry roast rack (that’s Shakespeare’s right here) starts to get wet, create a new roast rack on top of the old one with perpendicular shading. You will be safe from juicy burgers again. Go, my friends, and eat your restaurant burgers with soft, not wet buns and dry hands.