Create Your Social Budget Like a Financial One
Do you feel like your social life is out of control? Maybe you (or your kids) have an activity every night when all you need is to spend a quiet night at home. Maybe you feel like you spend too much time “touching the base” and “brainstorming” with people with whom you are not close, and not enough time with friends. Maybe your family wants you to have dinner with them every Sunday, but you … don’t.
If this sounds like your life, then you need a social budget. Like a financial budget, a social budget allocates your available time to both predefined commitments and “discretionary experiences,” and helps you determine how to spend your time in accordance with your values. Even if you’re quite happy with how your social life is going, a social budget can help you devote more time to the people you want in your life, while spending less time on social events that make you feel bored or drained.
Build your social budget in the same way as your financial one.
If you’ve ever made a financial budget, you already know how to create a social budget – except instead of using tools like Mint or YNAB , you’re going to use your calendar.
While you can create your social budget months in advance, we’ll keep things simple by simply looking at activities for the next full month. Once you understand the basics of social budgeting, you can start building your budget for the future.
First, you need to give up all of your predefined, recurring social obligations. These are social events and commitments that you have already agreed to: your club, your children’s soccer league, church, improvisation, weekly dinner with relatives, etc. periodically, regularly, put this on your calendar. (You probably already have most of these events on your calendar to get you started.)
As we compare social and financial budgets, these predefined recurring obligations are equivalent to your monthly overheads: your rent / mortgage, bills, car payments, etc. These are the items you have already agreed to pay. with their time , and once you see them all in one place, you can understand how much time they take.
However, you’ll also see how much time you have left, which means it’s time to start sorting out your discretionary experience. Like discretionary spending, these events are social events that you agree to on a case-by-case basis: happy hours at the office, brunches with friends, your kids’ games, shopping with your mom, and so on. Chances are you’ve already said “ yes »multiple discretionary events in the next month, so add them to your calendar if you don’t already have them.
Now take a look at your calendar. How do you feel about where your time is going? How many evenings / weekends do you actually have? Do these social events make you feel excited or overwhelmed?
Financial budgets work best if you start with all of your spending in one place, and social budgets work the same way. Before you decide what you want to cut back or what you want to spend more on, you need to track where your money is going. It’s the same with your time.
In fact, before you start making changes to your social budget, it is worth spending a full month just tracking where your time is going, just as you track your money. If someone invites your family to dinner on one free evening you have this month, are you saying yes? If an old friend emails you to tell you he’s in town, do you have enough free time on your schedule to grab a coffee? Have you ever canceled – or became a ghost – a promise because you desperately need to spend an evening alone?
Once you understand how you are actually spending your time, you can start making changes – just like you would with your financial budget.
Allocate social spending to your values and goals
Budgeting is all about commitment, values and goals. Sometimes you spend money because you made a commitment (to the landlord, to the student loan provider, to feed yourself and / or your family). Sometimes you spend money because of your values; maybe you appreciate the weekly date or the support of your local bookstore. Sometimes you spend money for your goals: dress for the job you want, take courses, etc.
Social budgets work the same way.
Ending (or cutting back) repetitive social obligations is one of the best ways to get some free time back, and also one of the hardest. You’ll have to tell your D&D group that you cannot run six-hour campaigns every weekend … or you’ll have to tell your kids to pick one extracurricular program … or you’ll have to tell your mother-in-law that your family can only come to lunch. twice a month.
It won’t be easy, and you’ll probably put it off until later – but just like calling your cell phone carrier and negotiating a lower bill, you’ll feel a lot better off doing it.
Once you’ve made some changes to your commitments, you can start spending your social time to align with your values and goals. How often do you want to visit your parents? Plan this time on your calendar. What about your close friendship? Would you like to make biweekly phone calls with a distant friend, or have a bi-monthly brunch with friends who live in the city? (Yes, this will take some communication and planning, but this is partly required in adult friendships. We’re all busy!)
Keep your long-term goals in mind , be it developing new work skills, writing a novel, finding a partner, or learning a new language, because you also need to make time for these activities.
If you are planning to spend time with your family, you may need to talk about family values and goals. Maybe you are the type of family who wants to have play nights every week or hikes every month. Perhaps you want to encourage your children to be more proactive in their homework by limiting parental assistance to scheduled “counseling hours”. Discuss what your ideal family calendar might look like, then try to find a real calendar that’s right for it.
You will also want to leave some unscheduled time in your calendar. A good financial budget includes a savings item, so be sure to save yourself some time too. You may have to spend this time in the same way that we sometimes have to plunge into our savings, or you can enjoy a weekend night.
Get ready to adjust your social spending in real time
We all know how easy it is to overspend our budget; all that is needed is one friend who invited us to dinner, who will make us cut our expenses at the restaurant for a month. If you have a social budget, that same invitation can increase your social spending by a month.
This means that you need to be prepared for assessment and adjustment. Do you want to say yes to this invitation / opportunity? Is it in line with your values and goals? Will you cut another social event to “balance the budget,” or pay for an event in your spare time?
Swapping social events is relatively easy; If you usually have lunch with a friend and he suggests getting a pedicure instead, it’s cool to say, “Sounds great, let’s do this instead of lunch this week.” If you dine with family members twice a month, your child’s birthday may be substituted for one of the dinners. (No, seriously. It’s okay.) Life is about balance, and your job is to keep your social budget in balance so you have the energy to maintain and develop all of your important relationships.
So make adjustments to your social budget as they come in, but know where you are spending your time. As with a financial budget, knowing where you would like to spend your time will help you make informed decisions in the moment – and, over time, align your social spending more in line with your values.
This should make you a little less stressed when you look at the calendar because your social obligations will be a little more like the life you want to lead.