Let’s Deal With OKCupid: Date Wrecked

You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .

We have a Tough Love special this week. We’re going to crash this woman’s not-so-great first date, bit by bit.

Mind you, I’m not a therapist or any other healthcare professional – I’m just a guy willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.

Hi, Patrick,

I wanted to arrange a date with you. I talked to this guy for a couple of weeks that I met on OKCupid. We vibrated. I talked on the phone a couple of times and wrote SMS every day. So, we’ve finally scheduled our first date at the arcade bar.

First, waiting a couple of weeks is probably too long to check. I know you want to be careful and safe, which is good, but the sooner you come up with some date plans, the better. Otherwise, you will have a lot of time to reread each other’s text messages, you will lose the excitement and energy you felt when you started chatting, and you will start to think or change your mind. Also, come on the first date, you have nothing to talk about because you have already gone through the exhaustive process of interviewing each other. Either you like this person and he makes you feel comfortable enough to meet him, or something is wrong and you should move on.

However, the arcade bar is a great place for a first date. There is always something to do and talk about in games.

On the day of the date, he texted me and told me that he would like to take me to Chili’s to eat and drink in front of the arcade bar. He also says that he has a gift card that will expire soon, and I don’t mind. However, I thought he was going to pay the rest of the bill. But instead, he looked at me after eating and asked what I ordered. We literally had the same thing. We shared a triple dipper and both had two margaritas.

It’s okay for both parties to pay for their stuff on the first date, especially half-blind from the internet. But he changed your already agreed arcade bar plans and said “take you” to Chili’s, so yes, he probably should have covered you there. Jesus, nothing says “I got my shit together” like using a Chile gift card on the first date and not offering to split the remainder. What a gentleman!

Also, I forgot to mention that his car is in the store, so we planned to get to the next location with Uber. But he kept repeating that he thought I was going to drive and that it would be easier.

Yes, he doesn’t have a car …

Then, about halfway to his meal, he tells me that he is so jaded that he doesn’t want to go to an arcade bar and would rather go to the movies. I would completely go to the cinema, but he wanted to come back to me, and when I said no, he almost blamed me and said that I was “afraid of the world.” Then he got upset when I told him that I didn’t bring men home on the first date because they might be murderers. I said it in a joking manner, but he took offense at it and said that such a statement was “character murder.” I apologized if what I said offended him and everything seemed cool.

It screams, “I just want to chat! Don’t make me try … ”This guy sounds like an instrument and you can’t kill his character even if you try – he’s not there.

Then he walked over to my side of the booth …

Oh oh …

… and talked about how tired he was, and began to put his head on my shoulder …

“Come on, let me go crazy.”

… and then we ended the night and received a check.

Oh, thank god.

So I paid the remaining half of the bill and he should have left a tip. He left a decent tip, but I had a couple of extra dollars that I was going to leave on the table when we left. When I slipped out of the booth, the dollars fell to the floor, and before I could say anything, he grabbed them and insisted they belong to him. I know I could have said something right then, but I didn’t.

Why?! This is your money! By the way, money that you shouldn’t have spent at Chili’s at all.

Then, when we parted, he wrote to me later that night. He asked if I had told anyone that we were going on a date. Then he asked how I was going to describe the date to them.

Wow, okay, weirdo … Getting hung up on a lot?

I told him that I would say we had a pretty good conversation and it was cool. Then he said he didn’t like it. And I just said, “Okay, take care of yourself.” He then insisted that he was joking and got angry that I said goodbye so quickly. Then, when I explained that I felt more friendliness, he started telling me that I was wasting his time and talking nonsense. I wasn’t even going to mention the money, but he kept pushing me all the time. So I laid out everything that happened that I didn’t feel about the date; from the fact that he was late for almost half an hour (I forgot to mention this), right down to the checkout. He got so angry when I mentioned money. He explained that he really thought the money fell out of his pocket when he left the money for a tip. That now that I think about it, it could be true.

This guy is a selfish hothead. Whether he knew it was your money or not, he mistreated you and overreacted.

He also pointed a finger at me, saying that I could refuse Chile and I could insist that we go to the arcade bar and that I had to demand dollars and yadda yadda . I am a very shy person, so I want to know how you look at this, because at that time I drank a few drinks and thought I stood up for myself completely. But now that I’m sober and thinking about everything he said, I feel like I may have overreacted. And if you did, then you can’t take it back. But how could I try to explain my thought process?

You didn’t overreact and you don’t owe this guy a damn thing. If anything, you could be more forward when these problems happened during a date. I understand that it is not always easy to confront a strange man when you are a woman, but he literally stole your money and you just let it happen. Come on.

Here’s what probably actually happened:

  • You met a guy on OkCupid who you thought was good based on your chats, texts and phone calls, but you waited too long to meet him in person for you to know that he is actually just a bum looking to dial some points. easy sex.
  • On the day of your date, he changed plans because he had no money except for a Chile gift card, which would have been enough to cover his end of sauce and margarita. Or, if he had money, he didn’t want to spend it on drinks with you at the arcade bar that you both had already agreed on.
  • Then he went to Chile because he didn’t have a car and therefore he was 30 minutes late.
  • Forcing you to wait, he then hoped you were drunk enough on the margarita you thought he would pay for to fall in love with his I’m tired, come on over Netflix and chill out routine. – By the way, you’re driving.
  • You didn’t bite, so he tried to convince you of it. When that didn’t work – because you’re smarter and safer than that – he got angry. So you had to pay your share of the bill and go away, but not before he found a way to steal your money right in front of your eyes. He knew that you would not say anything and would not go home empty-handed.
  • After that, he not only scolded you in his text messages, but also managed to make you feel like someone who did something wrong. Don’t let this meanness fool you.

You really stood up for yourself here, but it was too late. You could do more to help yourself in the future. Next time, meet early and see if there is any chemistry right away. You can’t figure out if someone is good only on paper until you’ve spent some time face-to-face with them. All this anticipation gave himself time to invest and set himself up for disappointment when he turned out to be a jerk. Also, next time, say no Chili, and stick with the original date plan, if not a very good reason not to. At least you would have some fun playing games in the arcade bar. And next time, be sure to take the dollars back if they are yours. Being honest about what your property is will not ruin your mood.

That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and foggy inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE TO ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY HAS BEEN REMOVED . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.

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