Stop Cooking Avocado

People often hurt those they love, and people who work with and around food are no exception. What other possible explanation could there have been for chefs, bloggers and content creators who repeatedly subjected avocados to all kinds of heat torture? It only takes a little salt to make an avocado delicious, and cooking it is a goddamn culinary crime.

Avocado is not cheese; heating does not change their texture or taste in any pleasant way. Instead of a creamy, rich, yet refreshing taste, you get a slimy, dull gruel mouth, and the subtle avocado taste is muted almost to the point of disappearing. While I’m sure there are people who will insist that they like a fried avocado or an egg in a hole, I think these people are liars, or at least blinded by the lies Tasty told them. I’m not the type to just throw hot takes on the internet and then walk away, though, so let’s take a look at a few hot apps and explain why each one sucks:

  • Avocado Potatoes : First, can we stop calling every fried or breaded stick vegetable “fried”? French fries are made from potatoes, and sweet potato fries should be the most “unusual” member of this family. Breaded, baked avocado wedges are not fries; they are sad. The breadcrumbs they are often coated with are not strong enough to offer any real textural contrast, and the avocado cools quickly, yielding a room temperature gruel that even Applebee should be ashamed to serve.
  • Baked Avocado Eggs: YES, who doesn’t love runny yolk and barely frozen white inside a hot cup of green gruel? People put eggs in toast because they are crunchy. Thanks to toast, you can enjoy a delicious soft-boiled yolk, giving it a structure to lean on. Fat needs contrast, both in taste and taste. Some sites try to compensate for this pasty ballby wrapping it in bacon , but the result is something like a Kinder egg if the Kinder eggs were conceived and executed by Satan himself.
  • Avocado Cheese Macaroni: I personally didn’t put this in my mouth, but Food52 described this dish as “musky,” which we all know is a word you definitely want to associate with macaroni and cheese. But honestly, even the most rose gold-obsessed millennials drinking unicorn lattes aren’t so obsessed with avocados to believe that macaroni and cheese are being improved by reducing the amount of cheese and increasing the amount of fruit.

These are the main criminals who haunt my news feeds, and I’m sure we could find more examples of such atrocities, but the main takeaway is this: Avocados are good. When you cook them, you make them less good and, in most cases, you make them very bad. Treat your avocados simply, with love and respect, and if you have hair growing and feel the need to really fuck with it, make a margarita. Avocado margarita is surprisingly refreshing, not stringy and cold at all .


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