You Should Get Drunk and Make a Scene Tonight

Are you avoiding your family right now? So desperate to get away from them, you’re sitting in the bathroom reading a productivity blog on Thanksgiving? Afraid of an imminent fight over Fox News, or your lack of plus, or which kid took your college money? Here’s your solution: get drunk and make a scene.

In any case, a fight had to take place. Now it will be on your terms. You can choose a theme and pre-empt a losing battle with a victory. Or, you can steer clear of politics or religion and get into some kind of personal disputes, picking one for the team so as not to plunge everyone into existential funk.

If you strike first, you will also be able to set the tone and tactics. Do something screaming or whispering through gritted teeth, focusing on the splashing red wine on the hardwood floor. (Bonus points if you are the only drinker in a teetotal family.)

If you are one of those families who do not quarrel, but keep them all for years, it may be time to open the safety valve. Start a beautiful, safe fight that allows everyone to express their feelings in a controlled environment.

Will it get out of hand? Probably! But this is what would have happened anyway, and now you’ve given the family a reason to pull together: blame yourself. So clear the air now while you still have time to make up before Christmas.


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