Gifts for Those Who Have Been Dishonored on the Internet

Even in the midst of sexual harassment and harassment in Hollywood, politics, and the media, the Internet is still great for publicly shaming people for things like stolen tweets, awkward phrases, or poor video game control. So you might know someone who got kicked off the internet for no good reason or for a good reason that they need to learn from. Okay, let’s face it, this friend is you. Here are some things to help you lick your wounds.

So you’ve been publicly dishonored

Get the obvious out of the way first. John Ronson’s book shows how social media blur the difference between deserved and undeserved public pretense, as context is absent and even “civilians” become public figures. He also suggests ways to deal with radioactive fallout. And if your shame is completely unrelated to any sexual harassment, this is probably the last book on the topic that will not mention the Year of Shitty Strong Men.

Booth porn

Created by a top-notch team of coastal media elite, this decadent coffee table book will help you fantasize about moving into the woods, even if you once panicked when you had to use a 3G cellular signal.


More realistic, leave your phone and just uninstall Twitter. Instead, use this soothing placebo app for iOS and Android that lets you favorite, post, and comment on images of random people and objects. None of your interactions actually give anything, so you can absorb your dopamine receptors without any social repercussions.

Download now

Field Notes: Dime Novel Edition

Inspired by Beadle’s paperback series of novels first released in 1860, these special edition notebooks won’t scream at you, no matter how rubbish you write in them. And perhaps the continuity implied by their numbered pages will encourage you to move your thought beyond 280 characters. From an aesthetic point of view, they fit perfectly into your cabin in the forest.

Sarah Knight’s witty self-help book came out nine months before the man wrote essentially the same orange-covered book that sold much more circulation. This is so unfair! Just like how people treat you on the Internet. Read it and find out what you really need to care about and how not to really care about it.

Here’s a happy ending: Knight has released two more books and a Kindle single under the F * cks Given brand. So, hey, you’ll recover too.

How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age

This classic self-help book might get you a little manipulative, but isn’t that what you need right now? Just being nice people won’t help you get retweeting back into decent society. You must prove that you are polite and gently invite people to repeat this fact to their friends.

Panic Pete

Maybe do something with your own hands that does not involve creating or consuming content. Squeeze this baby toy that nicely resembles the avatar of the idiot who smeared your good name in front of the entire Facebook group. Squeeze it until its caramel red notification ears pop open wide.

This is what you tell your disgraced friend. Because it is clear that you will never do anything to get yourself into such trouble.


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