How to Enjoy Anal Sex With Hemorrhoids
Welcome back to the Last Minute Questions , the column where we ask the health questions you want an expert to answer but you can’t bring yourself to ask. Today’s topic is a very personal and intimate, cool question.
Hey! It will be anonymous … right ?!
I am a middle aged woman who has had hemorrhoids since the age of 19. I was horrified when I first realized that something was wrong, “down there”. I got up the courage to ask my mother what was going on, and she calmly replied, “Yes, it’s hemorrhoids. You will have them forever. Get used to them. ” Specifically, I have stage 3 internal and external hemorrhoids (closer to stage 2 than stage 4). I have no skin marks and almost no bleeding, but a constant dull pain for many, many hours after a bowel movement.
I’ve tried everything to deal with them: Metamucil, Miralax, scandalous amounts of fiber through beans, exercise, sleep … I cleanse thoroughly and use a bidet to rinse thoroughly with water after each bowel movement. At the moment, they are a permanent part of my body. They did a couple of bandages with an elastic band, but they only hurt me, and the situation did not improve overall. My colorectal surgeon also said that I was just ashamed of the pitiful limit that would show that I could benefit from the latest surgeries.
I had anal sex twice and loved it. I want to have anal sex again, but both times I was terribly shy. I prepared a lot in advance, mostly mentally. (I don’t believe in enemas or anything crazy to have sex.) I chose the exact time based on the last time I went to the bathroom. It’s been four years since all the stars came together (i.e. I’m ready, my husband is ready, my mind is ready, and I haven’t had a difficult bowel movement in the past 18 hours) and I’m desperate to do it. again. Sometimes I can cope with touching the outside of the anus, and I like it too, but then again, I often have symptoms and am so shy that I rarely allow it.
Here is the problem and my question:
I really enjoy anal stimulation and anal sex, but it won’t happen until I make my anus look better and feel better. I just can’t deal with someone seeing ugly, grape-sized bumps during intimacy, whether it’s PIV sex or anal sex, because of the pain and embarrassment. Can I go through ANY process / procedure that will help me? I’ve heard of doctors in Los Angeles or New York working with gay men to create a better back door, but are they my only option? “
“It’s a little sad to hear the story of someone who desires safe and comfortable anal stimulation but cannot, when there are so many people who are“ better equipped, ”says Stuart Spitalnik , Brown’s clinical professor. The bad news for our writer is that there is no surefire way to permanently painlessly get rid of all hemorrhoids. But there are some things that can improve the situation a little.
First of all, let’s tackle the problem of embarrassment. Just because someone is having sex with your ass doesn’t mean they should be looking at your ass. Dr. Spitalnik quotes Benjamin Franklin as saying, “In the dark, all cats are gray.” As a responsible journalist, I searched for the source of this quote, expecting it to be some misquoted old saw, but in fact Franklin used this phrase in an email about why old ladies become better lovers . So this is what we now know.
Aside from doing it in the dark, Michael Reitano , a physician at Roman’s Men’s Health Unit, also notes that there is no rule that says you have to open your cheeks and stick your ass in the air. “The entrance from the back can be done while lying flat, which eliminates the visualization of hemorrhoids,” he says.
Dr. Reitano also hopes that you approach anal play in a safe and sensible way. It sounds like you probably know what you are doing, but for readers who are just catching up: you want to start small, like your own finger first, and lubricate, lubricate, lubricate. In your free time, you can also work on anal sphincter exercises that are similar to Kegel glute exercises. They help you to better control the muscles involved.
Finally, let’s talk about your terrain cleaning options, as you put it. This is difficult because determining whether an operation or a procedure will work will depend on how you define “works.” For example, the bandaging procedures you mentioned probably made individual hemorrhoids disappear, but you say that they did not improve your overall well-being.
“There are ultrasound-guided artery ligation devices and devices specifically designed to remove hemorrhoids,” says Dr. Spitalnik. But these are not magic bullets. Hemorrhoids may come back, or even after surgery, you may have pain, including pain with a bowel movement. There is also a risk of urinary incontinence. And these are just the results that have been studied! He notes: “Unfortunately, ‘returning to enjoyable anal sex’ is not an often-cited research measure.”
What this really means is that if you don’t want your partner to see your hemorrhoids, you will have to spend a lot of time talking to doctors about your hemorrhoids. Dr. Spitalnik doesn’t trust sites advertising rejuvenation; It’s too hard to tell which ones are scams. Instead, he suggests asking a surgeon you trust if he can recommend someone with experience in more advanced techniques. And be honest with that person about why you are asking and what you hope to achieve.
Until then, enjoy your anal as best you can and consider all your options. Dr. Reitano points out that people who have a lot of anal sex may end up with fecal incontinence and hemorrhoids may make it more of a problem. Instead, he says, why not try toys? “Anal stimulation with a vibrator or manually, without penetration, can be an intermediate way to get pleasure with permanent resolution of hemorrhoids.”
That’s it for this Burning Questions series. Join us next week as I promise we won’t talk about sex at all. It’s about the toes. Really! Only toes. If you have any burning questions of your own, please email me at elizabeth.skwarecki@lifehacker.com (please specify a QUESTION IN THE SUBJECT) or fill out the anonymous form at bethskw.sarahah.com .