Where to Find Satisfaction Without Romantic Love
“Lately, I’ve been feeling a little hopeless looking for love,” writes Ask MetaFilter user seraph9 in a post titled “Alternatives to Love”. “What are the most useful, helpful, amazing non-romantic experiences or undertakings for you?” Respondents listed useful activities that show how much more is in life than work and romance.
Volunteering is the most popular offer. “Contributing to something bigger and beyond yourself is incredibly rewarding,” says the user, the captain of Renault. Look for roles that will allow you to develop deep relationships with other people. Many people lack the support of trusted loved ones, so your emotional availability is exactly what they need.
The user almost already offers to write to prisoners through the “Lines of Life” in Loner . User Wilder recommends working in a hospice or other end-of-life care facility. “Many people are lonely or separated from their families and have no one to help them die with dignity.” For more ideas, janey47 recommends How Can I Help? Ram Dass and Paul Gorman.
Friendships may seem obvious, but it takes a conscious effort to prioritize, just as people prioritize finding the “one.” As you get older, it becomes more difficult to form a close group of friends, especially when other friends start to pair up and then have children. But treat it like more friends. Many couples enjoy having single friends as a good break from relationships with other couples, and being a “family friend” can be an important life-long role. But make it clear to them if you want to be “settled” on dates or with other friends. Without guidance, couples will inevitably try to assimilate single people.
Also, look for friendships with comrades who have not been married for a long time. You should have friends who, like you, can think outside the relationship bubble. There is always a risk that one day you will “lose them” to a romantic partner, but they also take this risk with you. Try to create groups of close friends of more than two people; this is a huge advantage over regular couples who definitely need to focus their lives on one person.
Bring as much of your friends’ activity as possible to your home or theirs. Another joy in a relationship is spending time in private space, but it’s not just a romantic activity. Step out of bars and cafes and feel the closeness of socializing with friends in your own space.
Group activities such as a dance class, band, choir, church, book club, or even playing Dungeons & Dragons make it easier to meet up with friends as they provide an immediate goal of collaborative activities. When you go to an event such as a book reading, comedy show, or concert, see what other long-term options the venue or organization has to offer.
Find a group that meets regularly. Part of the joy of long-term relationships, especially when you live together, is that they’re on by default. It relieves so much of the stress of planning and uncertainty. Permanent group engagement works in a similar way; you don’t have to worry about making time for friendship as long as you’ve all made it a regular priority.
For years, my weekly D&D group has served as the cruise control for our friendship. User wwax especially recommends playing as a dungeon master: “The feeling of telling a story with a group of other people is amazing.”
According to user Quisp Lover, meditation lays the foundation that makes life more fulfilling. This can turn the search for non-romantic satisfaction upside down: “Spiritual joy is not sublimated sexuality; sexuality is a suppressed spiritual joy. “
Pet ownership cannot replace human love, but it does have many benefits. The animal will give you unconditional love, which is beyond the power of most people. “I never felt such love coming to me until I had a kitten and she gave it to me,” says the almost ready one. The pet relies entirely on you, but its needs are less complex than those of a child or partner.
“Don’t discount all the dates ,” says a user who dreamed of an overnight hotel. As long as you are honest and open about the matter, there is nothing wrong with meeting shorter-term needs (you know, like sex) throughout your dating life, while simultaneously finding your long-term needs elsewhere. “Love can come second after sorting out its constituent parts and, instead of looking for the ultimate goal first, strive to satisfy those needs in advance.”
Alternatives to Love | Metafilter