Use Breathing Friends to Teach Your Child Self-Control
In the latest episode of Lifehacker’s Upgrade podcast, psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman talked about self-control (what he called “cognitive control”) and its importance as a skill we should all learn early on:
Cognitive control is an important life skill: it allows you to focus on a long-term goal and ignore distractions, it allows you to pay attention to what the teacher is saying … in New Zealand, a study was conducted of children aged 4-8 years, they tracked them down. 30 and found that cognitive control as a child was a better indicator of your wealth and health than at age 30 than the IQ or wealth of the family in which you grew up.
We tracked this study , and indeed, the results are impressive:
Looking at a cohort of 1,000 children from birth to 32 years of age, we show that childhood self-control predicts physical health, substance abuse, personal finances, and crime outcomes, following a gradient of self-control.
So how do you help your child gain composure? One way is mindfulness meditation. Do you send them to the ashram for several months or years and wait for them to return as an enlightened yogi? This would be impractical and it probably won’t serve macaroni and cheese.
Instead, try teaching your child to pay attention to their breathing with a soft toy. Dan Goleman put this technique to the test at a school in East Harlem with impressive results.
These are very poor children, they live in apartment buildings across the street, they are traumatized and [many of them] suffer from ADHD – I thought there would be chaos in this class. But it was very calm, very focused.
Cause? Breathing buddies daily practice: practicing mindfulness with a scarecrow. (Note: you do not need to use a stuffed toy – children can use any object or even their own hands. But if you have a small child, they will most likely prefer a stuffed toy.)
This is how it works:
- Ask your child to lie down and place a soft toy on their stomach.
- When you count to three, they will breathe through their nose, filling their belly with air. They should watch their stuffed animal rise as they inhale.
- As you exhale, count to three, watching as their stuffed animal gently descends with the exhalation (and belly).
And it’s all! The Blissful Kids website recommends doing five to ten belly breaths to get started.
To learn more about improving your mind and body through mindfulness meditation, listen to the latest issue of The Upgrade .