Do Housework With Friends to Make Parenting Less Isolating.
Last Friday we spent an evening with two other families with young children at the grocery store. We have a daily routine that boils down to science. After lunch together, we’ll go to the market, stuff all the little kids into a couple of shopping carts, and while the dads push them down the aisles, the mothers will shop at the store. Sometimes we are disconnected. It works. The kids are having fun, giggling and singing throughout the trip (the place is always almost empty – did I mention it’s Friday night?) And we get food for the whole week. Standing at the checkout, I think to myself with bewilderment and trepidation: this is what friendship looks like when you are a parent.
It used to annoy me that my friendship was not at all like what it was in college and when I was in my twenties, when I could lie on the couch and talk on the phone for hours. How?! But life changes (whether you have children or not) and relationships change and become something else. You connect your life with others whenever possible and declare these quick moments of connection to be good or good enough. I’ve always loved this New York Magazine article by Ada Calhoun called “The Secret to Staying Friends in Your 30s.” She summarizes beautifully:
Friendships with 20-year-olds include long, late nights, all-day walks and hours of phone calls. But having friends in your 30s is functionally impossible. No good time to see people, no friend like candlelit dinner and a rose-strewn four-poster bed. Staying friends is about being content with the social equivalent of a taco truck and quick sex in the bathroom. As the opposite of the sensualist, I prefer this. There is something both effective and exciting about having friends woven into everyday life. It seems almost illegal when we manage to steal time together, as if we are cheating our adult life.
Anyway, stop thinking about the evolution of friendship – I need to get down to today’s to-do list by now. While it’s not always possible logistically, it’s nice to be able to do household chores with your closest friends at the same stage in life (if you find these people, stick with them for life). You turn everything you need into something enjoyable and build a village.
In addition to shopping in the store, you can complete several tasks with your friends:
Exercise
I admit it’s a big enough problem to squeeze in a workout for yourself, let alone schedule it with another person. But with some determination, you can make it work. If you have a child, strap it into the carrier and go camping with a friend. Or make a video of the exercises together. Or go to the park with another family, run circles and jump while the kids play.
Throw a party with foldable washes
Yes, for this you will need to reach a certain level of comfort (and shamelessness) with your friends, but this idea intrigued me. Invite them to come with baskets of clean linen, spread a large blanket on the floor, and start folding. Drink it if you like. Just do not accidentally grab someone else’s panties.
Prepare freezer food
Become the next level village builder and have a party with friends, for example, on Sunday morning. Lifehacker writer Patrick Allan explains how to do this in this post : “Gather a few friends and either shop together for a week (and split the cost), or have each one bring certain ingredients. When you’re all together, ask each person to take on the job and prepare enough servings for each meal so that everyone can meet their freezing quota. Now you don’t have to do everything alone, and you can have a good time with your friends too. “