How to Talk About Your Sex Life With Friends
Talking about sex with friends is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, being able to talk openly and honestly about sex is critical to developing a healthy relationship with your sexuality. And sometimes you just need the advice of friends. On the other hand, your sex life tends to unite you with partner a, and he has no say in what you tell your friends. When you think about one of your partners sharing information about you, it makes you think twice before revealing all the naughty details to your friends, right?
Here are some rules of etiquette when talking about sex with your friends.
Talk about yourself as much as you like
Feel free to share anything that only concerns your relationship with your body or your sexuality. For example, telling your friends that you are having a hard time orgasm, or that you are struggling to keep an erection, or that you are curious about exhibitionistic fantasies is all fair play. Talking to your friends about your sexuality (while keeping your partner’s privacy in mind) will help you strengthen your relationship with your body, needs, and desires, and will also likely help your friends explore their sexuality.
Remember the golden rule
Of course, it gets more difficult when you want to talk to your friends about something that concerns your partner. I’m going to detail what information should and should not be shared, but the Golden Rule can be very effective in helping you make your own decisions. Just ask yourself, “Would I be comfortable if my partner shares this information about me with their friends?” If so, go ahead. If not, then it’s probably best to keep your privacy.
Be clear about your motives.
It also matters why you want to share something with your friends, especially when it comes to sharing personal information about your partner. If you are really struggling with something and need advice, it is understandable that you will want to talk about it with one or two of your closest friends. If you just want to express your frustration, think twice about what to share. This is unfair to your partner’s privacy. If you want to share something simply because it’s scandalous or unusual, keep your mouth shut.
A few months ago, I was at a big dinner where a guest I just met was talking loudly and noisily about having sex with someone with a micropenis. The man’s friends encouraged them to tell the “story,” so it was obvious that the story was often repeated for fun. Sharing intimate details in such situations is simply cruel and unnecessary. Remember, there are real, living, breathing people at the other end of these stories.
Keep your partner’s body out of bounds
A good rule of thumb is not to divulge any intimate details about your partner’s body parts that are usually covered by a swimsuit. We are talking about things like the shape and size of the penis, inverted nipples, pubic hair, the color or length of the labia, or the smell of the genitals. Keep this information confidential.
This is especially important for bodies that do not conform to stereotypical “norms”, such as micropenis, enlarged clitoris, or enlarged breasts in men. If your partner is intersex or transgender but does not publicly disclose it, do not share this information with other people under any circumstances.
Performance issues should be private
Performance issues related to your partner’s body should also be kept under wraps. Examples include:
- If your partner is struggling to get or keep an erection
- If your partner is unable to reach orgasm or takes a long time to reach orgasm
- If your partner comes too quickly
- If your partner is not very good in bed
These are very personal things that most of us don’t want other people to know about. (If you’re in a situation where you need advice on how to tackle your partner’s performance issues and other questions, I’ll come back to that later.)
Be careful with the other person’s sexual desires.
If your partner is hesitant to share their fantasy with you, it’s probably best not to talk about it.
Share compliments
As a rule, you can share something complimentary. Does your partner have amazing oral technique? Are they creative with sexual positions? Share it! If this is a compliment related to the aforementioned body, try to take into account your partner’s feelings.
If they are very reserved or conservative people, they probably don’t want all of your friends to know they have the perfect penis or the most gorgeous vagina. If they are more open, then it will be possible to share such compliments. Just try not to get into details. It’s a compliment to say that your partner has a great butt, but it’s weird to go into details about the color of his anus and the tightness of his rectum.
Seek general advice
If you want to ask friends for advice about your sex life, try to keep it in general terms. Focus on your answer to the problem and try not to share too much personal information about your partner. For example, suppose your partner is not very good at doing manual work for you, and that is generally your preferred way to get an orgasm. Instead of revealing that your partner doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, you ask them to say something general, such as, “How do you show your partner what you like?” or, “When your partner gives you feedback, what is the best way for them to share it with you?”
Sometimes you can even pretend to be talking about hypothetical situations. Let’s say your partner tells you that he has a fantasy of having a threesome and you don’t know what to do. You can tell a friend that you stumbled upon an article about threesome sex, or you can have another friend who just had such an article and thus start a conversation.
If your friend is interested in details, you can always be honest and say, “I don’t want to share anything too personal about Steve. This is not my place to share. “
Entrust your super private business to professionals
I am clearly biased here as I am a sex therapist, but if you have serious problems with your partner, I think it is better to talk about it with a professional. Your friends, if they are not very wise and closed, will probably not be able to give you the most helpful advice on how you can help your partner overcome his early ejaculation problems. You may find it easier to talk out about your sexual frustration within a few minutes, but any benefits are likely to be outweighed by guilt if you share something so personal about your partner. If you want to make a difference in your sex life, reach out to someone who is truly trained to help you with it.