How to Support Your Child’s Teacher
As a relative of a teacher, I have seen the joyous ups and downs that accompany my sister Michaela’s profession, as well as the downs when she seemed on the verge of emotional exhaustion.
Teaching is not an easy task, especially since you build relationships not only with students, but also with their parents. Fortunately, Michaela estimates that “95% of parent-teacher interactions go smoothly,” an encouraging figure when you consider all the emotions in the game.
However, this 5% can be detrimental to a carefully built student-teacher-parent relationship, and this can have serious consequences for the future student. Luckily, Michaela was kind enough to put up with my questions about what parents could help, even during her summer vacation.
She talks about how to support your child’s teacher:
Teach your student to protect themselves
“The biggest thing a parent can do for their child is teach him how to protect himself in class,” explains Michaela. She often says that students tend to take grades or reviews personally, but it’s not really personal.
She advises parents to encourage children who are upset by an assessment, criticism, or confusing lesson to approach their teachers after the call and express their feelings in a respectful manner. If they formulate the question correctly and at the right time ( not in the middle of the lesson), they have a better chance of having their concerns heard and addressed.
For example, if a student gets a lower grade than expected, he or she may contact the teacher after calling with questions such as:
- “Hi Mrs. Hagen, I worked hard on this assignment and was disappointed with the grade I received. Can we talk it over together so I can figure out how I could do better? “
- “Ms. Hagen, I did a lot of exam preparation and didn’t do as well as I hoped. I am worried how this will affect my final grade in class. Is there another way to demonstrate my understanding of the lessons to earn some of these points? ? “
“Teachers are human,” says Michaela. “Sometimes we make an estimate too fast or load the wrong estimate. Students who speak up or seek explanations take initiative and show concern for their grades. When they do this, our instinct is to help them, not punish them. “
Accept that your child can be wrong.
Some conflicts between parents and teachers arise because parents believe that their student is incapable of wrongdoing, or insist that certain behaviors have never been at home.
“Helps parents that school is a completely new social environment for their children,” advises Michaela. “There are many social factors that drive them to experiment with new behaviors that they don’t do at home.”
When this behavior becomes problematic or disruptive to a wider audience (even without malicious behavior such as playing a clown in the classroom), parents clinging to the ideal child illusion only exacerbate the problem.
Try to avoid these pitfalls:
- Blame your child’s friends for this. Yes, peer pressure can make kids do stupid things. But this does not absolve you of responsibility for your own behavior.
- Blame the teacher. It is the teacher’s responsibility to help your child succeed in school. If they can inspire your child for a deeper personality change, great! But you cannot expect them to do the hard work for you.
- Blame yourself. Behavioral mistakes happen even to excellent students. Don’t beat yourself up for this. Refer to the behavior and move on.
If the accusation or innuendo really makes you angry, clarify the details. Get all the information from the teacher’s perspective, and then in a separate conversation talk about what your child is thinking. After you have written it all down and are still convinced of your child’s innocence, you should be in a more balanced state to disagree than in the heat of the heat.
Switch to the “Problem solving” mode
“I understand why parents are defending themselves,” says Michaela. “It’s easy to take a teacher’s concern as a doubt about his ability to raise children, but in most cases this is not the case at all.”
She advises parents to switch from “protective mode” to “problem-solving mode,” which can help correct behavior early on, rather than mask it – or worse, reassure it – through denial.
Similar phrases help solve the problem and make an action plan:
- “I understand and share your concern. Does the school have a counselor with whom we can talk about how best to deal with her behavior? “
- “I appreciate your input for any ideas that can help you improve his behavior. I’ll sit with him and tell him what we’ve come up with. Can you and I schedule a conversation in the future to check on his progress and see what works? “
“Open communication is vital,” suggests Michaela. “We are on the same team. We both want your child to be successful. If there are obstacles to this, we are more likely to overcome them as allies rather than adversaries. One of my hardest students really made a difference when his parents started regularly checking with me on his progress. It made his graduation a really painful moment for all of us. “
Run out of sympathy before escalating.
Michaela says teachers have to make tough decisions that sometimes prioritize classroom dignity over individual preference.
“I don’t think we are beyond criticism,” she says. “However, I hope that parents will allow us to doubt all but the most extreme circumstances.”
Empathy for teachers and open communication is important. However, if the teacher consistently displays unfair bias and uses his authority to repeatedly and unnecessarily punish the student, it is best to remain as objective as possible.
Oftentimes, a teacher abusing their authority has been reported before, so providing factual documentation to the administrator will be the strongest argument against him. Bringing emotion into a three-way counselor meeting can escalate the situation.
Show your appreciation
Teachers face pressure from many quarters – students, parents, administrators, as well as strict criteria set by higher authorities. Very often we don’t see the whole picture.
Let them know that you respect their struggles. If you are sitting at the dinner table and your child shares an inspiring lesson they are associated with, email the teacher about it to share your success and express your gratitude. A Starbucks gift card is also welcomed during grueling standardized testing.
If you’re really feeling generous, a good brainless novella for them to read on the beach during their summer vacation – while they might be interrogated by their curious brother who writes the story – is fine too.