How to Answer the Question “When Will You Have a Baby?” When You Are Sterile
I once heard a comedian say, “Never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you actually see the baby’s head coming out of her legs.” Wise advice – it’s a shame no one ever takes it. I cannot tell you how many times people have asked me if I am pregnant, if I was planning to get pregnant or what I was waiting for to get pregnant.
What have I been waiting for ?? God, science, my fertility doctor to get back from vacation, my husband to get supersonic sperm, a time machine to go back ten years so I can have younger eggs and more time to have children.
But, alas, there was no “Time Machine” in the jacuzzi and there was no way to avoid these questions. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.
Think who is asking
Pause. Take a deep breath. And before you say the first thing that comes to mind, see who has the nerve to ask. Is this a close friend? Family member? Your husband? Your arch nemesis from college who must always surpass you? Or is it just some random ignorant person trying to strike up a casual conversation and hasn’t yet received a reminder that pregnancy questions shouldn’t be on the list. Also ask yourself what their motivations are – although sometimes the question seems intrusive and even downright angry, most people don’t have nefarious motives. Identifying who is asking and why will help you figure out what to say.
Create some standard answers
I remember when I was in college, a friend of mine had a nervous breakdown. Afterwards, whenever someone asked, “Hey, how are you?” she paused and gave a lengthy truthful answer, starting with what she did that day. My point is that you don’t owe anyone anything: neither deep, introspective monologues about the state of your womb, nor the whole truth that they probably couldn’t handle anyway.
Come up with some nice lines to make everyone happy:
“When it happens, it happens!”
“That’s a great question!”
“I’m not sure. How is your child?”
Go on the attack
Listen, when you’re bouncing on hormones and sleeplessness due to fertility drugs and wondering yourself if you’re pregnant, if you’re ever going to get pregnant, if your pregnancy ever continues, it’s not easy to keep. social situations – especially busy ones, such as holidays, children’s birthdays, friends’ birthdays, any kind of party … you get the idea. My stepmother once spent an hour telling me that she was knitting my brother and sister’s future children, and I thought, do you really think I’m strong enough to handle this? !! I was so close to losing him. So while it’s probably the best advice to keep your mouth shut, sometimes you really can’t. Here are some good lines:
“You will be the first to know … after my doctor, my husband, my mother and her whole Mah Jong club …”
“Why do I look pregnant? Oh my god, do you think I’m so fat? No, it’s just hormones. “
“I’m not pregnant. How’s your sex life going? Are you still getting some after the kids stretch your cheers?”
“Children are so overrated. We have a dog.
Train the masses
“We didn’t even try, but then I discovered that I was six weeks pregnant. With the twins! “Sometimes it seems like everyone got pregnant the old fashioned way. But trust me, most people have had problems or know someone who has them. This is why, if you are ready for it, you can be honest and open – in a good way.
“A woman’s chances of conceiving at the age of 30 are only 20% per cycle and then decline.”
“Did you know that even young people can have fertility problems, especially if they have endometriosis or PCOS?”
“Men account for 1/3 of fertility problems.”
Be prepared for unexpected advice
Regardless of how you answer a question, people will voice their opinions – and share them! – regardless of whether it tells you how long it took them to get pregnant (two full months!), or this fabulous friend who tried and tried and then gave up and got pregnant herself.
No one is a doctor or fertility expert, but everyone has a tip: “Just relax!” to “Why don’t you adopt?” For the most part, this is useless. If you want to turn it off in the most polite way that combines all of these tips, try the following:
“Fertility is such a delicate topic these days, the best way to help a person is to wait for people to share their stories with you.”