How to Silence Your Work Colleague
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a guy who can’t get his annoying coworker to stop talking to him about politics during his lunch break.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
I have one coworker who just loves to listen to himself, and for some reason he specifically chose me to receive his blessings. He comes up to me all the time during lunch breaks, wanting to talk about European politics. I am European and interested in politics, so with anyone else I usually welcome this topic; however, in fact, my opinion does not interest him at all, he just seems to want to show how much he knows. I know all this, probably better than he. But no matter how often I inserted “Yes, I know,” he just kept talking to me, getting louder and louder with each intervention, and kept a constant chain of “mmm” and “ahh” to make sure I wasn’t I can say anything even when he was picking up the next words.
I don’t communicate very well when I’m uncomfortable in a situation, so I just sit and stare at nothing while he speaks in my general direction. The problem is that since he is talking about something that I’m really interested in, I sometimes add something to the conversation, which obviously supports him.
I’m pretty sure my other colleagues (with whom I get along very well) have noticed that I am very uncomfortable when this happens, but since he is usually interested in talking to me specifically, they usually do not intervene in the conversation (maybe I I blame them).
How do I let this guy know that I don’t care about his opinion and that I don’t want him to ruin my lunch breaks?
To your health,
Deaf
Hey deaf:
The first thing you need to do is stop responding to him. Generally. I know this is difficult because it talks about what you are really interested in, but you absolutely cannot answer in any way – even if you have the best answer. If you nod and occasionally say “mmm,” he’ll probably keep talking, but if you really answer with words , he’ll talk for the rest of his days, my friend. You probably know more than this guy, but it doesn’t matter to him. He seeks self-affirmation, spewing out his own political knowledge and garbage opinions. This is what makes him feel whole, so if it bothers you, you cannot interact with him and expect anything less than this ancient form of verbal torture.
But not answering won’t solve the problem completely, G-Dizzle. Just so as not to cheer up the bastard. It is clear that your colleagues will not save you, and to be honest, I would not dive on this grenade either. So, to stop this forever, you need to take action. Here are some solutions that I recommend:
- Stop him before he starts . When you see him approaching, raise your hand as if you are crossing on a hot day and say, “I really can’t chat today, I [insert plausible excuse here].” Or try this alternative which worked. for me: I close my eyes, point up and say, “Sorry, I’m trying to focus on something right now.” Putting on headphones and acting as if you are concentrating on a new audiobook or meditating to the sound of a gong can also work.
- Set a time limit for speaking verbally. When he gets close, immediately look at your watch or phone for him to see, and then say, “I can chat [person’s name], but only for five minutes. How are you? “Then listen to him without distraction or interruption. Stop him on time by saying,” Okay, I’ll get back to this now. ” because you gave him a reasonable expectation at the start of the conversation. ”He started talking, knowing that you only have five minutes and that’s what he got.
- Take time outside of work to talk about politics. Say, “Hey, I’d really like to talk about all of this, but I’m not comfortable talking about it at work. Maybe we’ll have a coffee and discuss it some other time? “Then here’s the kicker, don’t follow through . Procrastinate and reschedule, strictly speaking, don’t discuss it at work. Hope he gets the hint.
- Leave during your lunch break. For example, go outside and have lunch, have lunch (and a margarita) at the nearest restaurant, get in the car with the radio on and open the windows – whatever you want to get away from this guy and save your mind. Do this many times, and he may finally realize that you no longer want to talk to him. Who knows? Maybe he’ll catch on to some other poor fellow!
Hopefully one of these solutions works for you Going Deaf. If not, you’ll have to put on big boy pants and stand up for your own well-being. Tell him bluntly that you don’t care about his opinion and that you don’t want him to ruin your lunch breaks anymore.
I think you can say it better if you like. Something like, “Sorry, I don’t want to discuss these things with you anymore. I would appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself. ” Or “I really need some personal time during my lunch breaks, so I would really appreciate it if you would let me go about my business.” Sorry, this will be inconvenient. But which is worse? One awkward, uncomfortable confrontation, or a lifetime of listening to his bullshit? Save yourself.
Quickies
Because I just have neither the time nor the patience for all of you …
Miss Patience asks :
Hi Patrick, I am 21 years old but I am afraid of losing my virginity in front of anyone. My relationship ends because of this. Please advise me.
Hi MP:
First, let me say that your virginity is yours . If you don’t want to lose it, you don’t have to – never. These people who end a relationship with you because you are not ready are not suitable for you. You need someone who understands your feelings and is willing to wait. Just make sure you tell them when things get serious so they don’t feel like you are holding on to them for other reasons.
However, there is a difference between feeling unpreparedness and simply being afraid of the process itself. If the latter, learn about sex and arm yourself with some knowledge. Our resident “sexpert” (yes, I was there) Vanessa Marin covered very well the topic of loss of virginity in adulthood . But if you are not ready, MP, you are not ready. Do not rush something just because some idiots are angry that you will not be extinguished.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me with #ToughLove ! “Until next time, figure it out yourself.