How to Tweet Without Embarrassment
In 2016, after killing blogs, Twitter began to think about massively expanding its character limit – or more accurately, giving users the ability to attach long blocks of text the way they can attach images or videos. This never happened, and Twitter users continued to squeeze essays into reply threads called tweetstorms.
Good Twitter is more than an essay broken down into sentences. He builds tweet after tweet, he communicates something simple, and each tweet works like an aphorism or quote. Good tweets are very diverse, while bad tweets look the same . Here’s how to write it without embarrassment.
Write what you know
There are two ideal tweet topics. In the first case, you have personal experience or years of education. For example, sexual abuse consultant Mala Muñoz recently wrote that pranks and predatory calls make it difficult for hotlines to address sexual violence with male victims :
Muñoz notes that while many heterosexual cis men criticize society for ignoring male victims of sexual assault, they do not come to the hotline she works on; the real work of assisting victims (including heterosexual cis men) is undertaken by “women and women”.
In another tweet, the writer and advocate under the pseudonym Your Fat Friend analyzed the dehumanizing effect of headline- free videos and stock photos , which are usually taken without consent and used as cautionary stories by the media:
Twitter is great for spreading emotion and conveying one simple idea, and that is what these topics do. They don’t follow a detailed storyline so they don’t get bogged down and oversimplified. They do not theorize, they share real life experiences. They start a conversation, not try to solve it. This is the type of story that is well supported by Twitter virality.
Other good topics are about something stupid or incomprehensible. The stakes are low, the tone is sloppy or sly, and there is nothing to be angry about. They’re great for telling funny stories, like when game developer Cable Sasser discovered a cool McDonald’s with a Nintendo 64 and a custom mural:
In the following conversation, Sasser showcased the extensive work of wall artist Wes Cook in a theme park . The tweetstorm format is perfect for the growing McDonald’s frenzy and Cook’s design treasures. This “wait, it gets better” feeling cannot be expressed as effectively in an article or blog post.
Other good stupid / specific tweets include CNN’s Jake Tupper on Superman shaving , tech lead Anil Dash on the 1989 Batman Prince song , Brady Bunch’s musical chair war , Tina and Gucci’s slippers , and I’ll just floss. … tomorrow.”
Plan your story
The canonically worst tweet is Eric Garland’s massive “game theory” thread, the post-election tirade of a “professional futurist” about how Russia did Edward Snowden, John McCain will save us from Trump, and “cappuccino president” Obama secretly wrote everything under control. Garland used AOL’s lolspeak, lulzspeak and cybersex. His thread was so widely ridiculed that within a week, “time for some game theory” was the funniest way to start or end a tweet .
Garland told NPR that he had a “zero plan” when he started twittering. Here’s (hopefully) why he ditched his “actor analysis” model after two tweets, and why the 127 tweet thread doesn’t contain real game theory .
Write a topic ahead of time. Then check to see if you fulfilled the promise of your first tweets. Read it out loud; edit it carefully. Read the other way around. Cut it off.
Speak like a person
While Garland’s dramatic introduction makes his subject even more silly, it isn’t always a mistake. Many of the good topics above start off with a similar hassle. Just think if you are majestic or secretly sincere.
Two style notes that apply to any tweet, stormy or not: Avoid words you don’t use in everyday speech. “Y’all” and “yo” sound awkward for a northern straight white man in a suit. And avoid the good old words on the Internet like “LOLZ” and “because [noun]”.
Don’t talk about Russia
Experts and journalists like HuffPost’s Seth Abramson and former UK MP Louise Mensch have turned Russian conspiracy theory tweets into a genre . While these threads sometimes come across real facts, more often they lead to nonsense and unsubstantiated rumors. They feed on the desperation of Twitter audiences demanding an explanation as some sign that the Trump administration will soon be neatly removed. They are the undeserved beneficiaries of Twitter virality, pill-shaped fake news. Don’t retweet them.
Format correctly
Tweet numbering is optional. It seems a little boring, but useful when Twitter inevitably interrupts your flow with a design update. Do not include the expected total number of tweets. This is corny, even as a joke.
Do not limit the number of characters in each tweet, and do not interrupt it in the middle of a sentence. You are already twisting the Twitter format, don’t break it. Otherwise, you simply admit that you cannot write within the constraints.
And thread your answers. If the president has learned how to do this, so can you.
Take this to your blog
Blogging still exists! Consider posting your essay on Tumblr, Medium, or in a little dark hole. Ask yourself if your words really belong to Twitter, or if you are so desperate for validation that you want each sentence to have its own Like button. Repeat to yourself, “Never tweet.”