Introducing a Good Man Into Rough Sex
You are actively looking for pregnant women to make way for a seat on the bus. You always keep doors open to outsiders. You help your friend drag the couch across town and take five flights to his new apartment. You are a good person.
So when someone yells at you to slap them in the face during sex, you freeze. Your good side does not want to harm them, but your caring side feels that you must fulfill their request. And, if you’re really honest with yourself, there is a small part of you that is curious about what it would be like to slap someone in the face.
What is rough sex?
Most people describe rough sex as a combination of wild, animal, passionate, bizarre, or rough. It is not defined by one specific action, but may include things like dominating one person, role-playing, dirty talk, spanking, biting, scratching, or using props such as restraints, paddles, or whips.
Either way, rough sex is more intense than casual sex. Clients in my sex therapy practice say that rough consensual sex is fun because it’s so intense. There is a feeling that you are breaking the rules or doing something that you shouldn’t. This taboo element makes it all the more exciting. Even if rough sex is not something you naturally gravitated towards in the past, exploring it safely and limitedly with your partner can help you tap into a side of your sexuality that you never knew existed. It can be really funny not to be a good person all the time.
Just try it if you want
The great thing about rough consensual sex is that you can choose specific activities that you find attractive. There are no rules. However, you should only have rough sex if you are genuinely interested or curious about it! Many people force themselves to have rough sex because they think they are “supposed to,” or because a partner asked them to. Don’t even make me tell the stories I’ve heard in my practice since the release of Fifty Shades of Gray .
Unfortunately, if you’re only doing this out of a sense of duty, your partner will be able to say it pretty quickly. There is nothing worse than being spanked without enthusiasm. It can take a little practice to get the hang of being rude in the bedroom, but it’s important to start with a sincere desire.
Be safe
It’s important to make sure both you and your partner are prepared to experiment with rough sex. I suggest sending your partner this article, giving them time to read it on their own, and then talking about specific things you want to try together. You should also come up with a safe word that you can use if one of you feels uncomfortable and wants to stop.
Sometimes I hear partners say, “I just want my partner to be rude. I do not want to talk about this “. I get a call, but sex doesn’t work like that. Both of you should be willing to discuss your desires and boundaries, and negotiate security. However, such conversations should not take away all the pleasure of sex! You might agree, for example, to play with a spanking, but your partner will still surprise you with a spanking at the moment.
Try role-playing
Hard sex is a really good mood. If you are a good person outside the bedroom, you may find it difficult to use this gross, animal energy that is required for rough sex.
One way to get around this is through role-playing games. If you feel like you’re just playing a character, you may find it easier to relax. You can customize the specific scenario of the role play with your partner. Choose something that has a natural imbalance of power, such as the teacher / student dyad. Or you can try to simply imagine yourself to be someone else, such as a celebrity or a movie character.
Foul language
If you are a little nervous about physical rudeness, you can always start with dirty talk. Dirty talk can be just as exciting and intense without fear of spilling blood or bruising. Here are some examples of the different types to start with:
- Talk about what you want to do with your partner or what you are going to do with him. For example: “You are mine tonight. I’m going to treat you my way. “
- Manage your partner. “Come here and lick my clit right now.”
- Be discreet. “Oh, do you want to come? Very bad.”
Dirty talk is also a great way to confirm that you have permission from your partner. (Remember, talking about consent should always come first.) If you’re nervous about bumping into something right now, you might say something like, “Do you need to be spanked?” Or: “Do you like this? Do you want me to work harder? “
Make it easy for yourself to get into this
As with all new sexual activities, I recommend starting small. Give yourself time to get comfortable. You don’t have to go all-in for rough sex, especially if you’ve never tried it before or have a natural relationship with that kind of energy.
Here are some ways to experiment. Read the list with your partner and pick one or two that seem most intriguing to both of you:
- Go harder, deeper, or faster. You can increase the intensity with kissing, touching, manual stimulation, oral sex, intercourse, or playing with toys by thinking about the quality of your movements: When you touch your partner, think to yourself, “How hard, fast, or deep am I walking? ? »Try switching between each of these three qualities.
- Spank your partner. The best place to start a flogging is in the middle of the buttocks. This place is well padded so it doesn’t cause much pain. It also makes a nice, pleasant sound! Place your fingers together and try to make maximum contact with your fingertips.
- Scratch your partner. Good scratch spots are the back, buttocks, and neck. Bend your fingers and gently slide them over your partner’s skin like a rake.
- Pull your partner’s hair. Take a rake and run it over your partner’s neck and hair. Squeeze your fingers tighter to grab their hair. Increase the pressure slowly until you feel a pleasant squeeze.
- Bite your partner. Aim for the fleshy parts of your partner’s body. Pinch their skin between your teeth and gradually increase the pressure for a second or two.
- Restrain your partner. Raise your partner’s arms over his head when he is lying flat on the bed, and hold them in this position with one or both hands.
Whatever you do, pay attention to how your partner perceives it. They can always use their safe word, but it’s important for you to watch out for negative reactions anyway. If you’re not sure if their grimace is a good or bad sign, take a moment to ask, “How are you doing there?”
Self-practice
If you are unsure of how much pressure to use, or if you want to perfect your technique, you can always practice on yourself first. Try to grasp the parts of your body with more force and feel when it starts to hurt. Slap your hip until you can move. Bite and scratch yourself. Pull your own hair out. You may feel foolish at first doing this, but these little experiments can go a long way in helping you feel more comfortable with your partner.
Take care of each other afterwards
Rough sex can trigger unexpected reactions, so it’s important to be prepared to talk about safety and safe words. If your partner is using his safe words, stop immediately, give him some space, and then take enough time to discuss what happened. Even if safe words have not been used, take a few minutes afterwards to share how it was for each of you. Many couples find they enjoy being especially pleasant and intimate afterward, as opposed to being rude. You can also discuss later if you want to continue your research.