How to Deal With a Narcissistic Boss
When President Trump backed out of the Paris Agreement last Thursday, he presented his decision live with a jazz orchestra in the Rose Garden. His speech, laced with lies and exaggeration , felt (like many of Trump’s speeches) like a campaign speech delivered to a captive audience.
Reality TV director and former producer Jen Heck says this is a common behavior among reality TV stars. Narcissists “can be good for television, but are almost always bad for production. Their antics often threaten to disrupt the show. In fact, they will literally threaten production hostage when it gets really bad. ” In a world of high-pressure television production, reality shows have a lot of leverage, so sometimes the producer has to give in to their demands. “This way you can create a monster,” says Heck.
Of course, the same thing can happen in any workplace. What can you do when the main hostage of the project? I asked Dr. Jodie Foster, co-author of Schmuck in My Office: How to Deal Effectively with Difficult People at Work , how to deal with a selfish manager. In short, the answer is to appeal to their best nature.
Restraining
What if your boss refuses to sign up for a worthwhile initiative for selfish reasons, such as resentment against someone involved ? Dr. Foster advises to confront the perpetrator constructively:
As difficult as it sounds, it is important to clarify to this leader that this is how their refusal is perceived. Believe it or not, sometimes people are so preoccupied with their grievances or selfish motives that they do not have the ability to self-observe to recognize the optics of their actions. Explaining to the manager that the rejection makes him / her appear petty, selfish, or immature can go a long way in getting the manager to think more thoughtfully about their actions, especially if the message is delivered with the explicit intent of offering useful feedback.
Rogue agent
What if a selfish or narcissistic manager asks you to pursue their priorities over company priorities ? Sometimes it’s not in your hands. Still, you should try to talk directly to your boss about the problem, because he may not even notice what he is doing. Perhaps you just need to help them align their goals with those of the larger organization. Dr. Foster says:
Ideally, there should be management intervention – manager manager – if resources are misdirected. And, as noted, rewarding effective teamwork to achieve company goals, rather than individual goals, can be key. But again, this is an opportunity to provide useful feedback to your manager. By not prioritizing the goals or initiatives of the larger company, the manager may limit his ability to develop leadership in the company. By looking at the manager’s personal leadership goals, one can clarify the shortsightedness associated with giving up work for the greater good.
As mentioned, people often lack the understanding or ability to step back from their actions in order to truly appreciate how they are being received. While direct feedback from your supervisor can be intimidating, it can simply be to show him or her that you are deep down, and perhaps even elevate you to the status of a “trusted advisor.”
The point is to provide some external perspective. According to Dr. Foster, “People often lack the understanding or the ability to give up their actions in order to truly appreciate how they are being received.” We can all get so carried away by the daily pressures that we lose perspective. When it affects the whole team, it is important to help each other.
Dealing with a problem can be daunting, but it can even be an opportunity. “It may just be what it takes to show him or her that you genuinely care about [all] interests,” says Dr. Foster, “and maybe even elevate you to the status of a ‘trusted advisor’.”
When to post a deposit
Of course, some bosses do act in bad faith. “If it repeats or aligns with a common theme,” advises Dr. Foster, “you might wonder if this manager is the right fit for the company.” And if this is the norm in the organization, it’s time to look for your own way out. Don’t expect your terrible boss to kick himself out; some of the worst bosses still fail up the hierarchy. And once they reach the top, they are very difficult to fire .