How to Tell Someone They Smell Bad

You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love.

This week we have a woman who doesn’t know how to tell her girlfriend that she smells bad, that the passion of thirty years of hope will hit them in the head, and the love triangle is so frustrating that you’ll think this is a bad 80s movie. …

Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.

This lady’s friend doesn’t smell good

Hello Mr. Allan,

Let me start by saying that I have a great girlfriend, but I have problems. This is my first long-term relationship with a woman, and I try very hard not to spoil it. She fits emotionally. She has many common interests, she is sensitive, kind, I can go on and on. The problem doesn’t start in her heart.

When I asked her to become my girlfriend, I still had a very personal conversation with her naked body. I don’t care about her weight anyway, but she’s obese, which makes her smell from her whole body when she’s taking off her clothes. This is a very unpleasant smell.

Plus she snores terribly. It wakes up other people in my house, which makes them very grumpy. I have no way to move out and she would like to be able to sleep in my house after long parties with me, because she lives far away. And I would like to be generous because she is leaving. Snoring and body odor are hard to change and I don’t hate her for them, but they can make things extremely uncomfortable / ugly for me.

I love her and try to ignore these issues, but they make me feel like I have to break up with her. And since I have no practice with this, I have a feeling that I will hurt her, which she clearly does not deserve. How can I deal with these issues politely and hopefully keep the girlfriend?

Sad lover

Hello sad lover:

If your lady’s BO and snoring is so bad that you are thinking about breaking up with her, for heaven’s sake, say something! Like, as soon as possible. Don’t let fear of her reaction keep you trapped in Stanktown or thinking about taking the train to Splitsville. This is not some random person on the bus or a colleague in a booth next to you. This is a person you care deeply about and someone with whom you should feel comfortable being honest. Pinch your nose and sit down to talk.

You must be prepared for this. You can be polite without ditching the topic. You don’t have to talk long about how disgusting her smell is when you make love, but you also don’t beat around the bush. Say something like:

“Look, I really like you and I really enjoy being close to you, but I need to be honest about what worries me. I noticed your body odor, which is unpleasant to me. I don’t want you to feel bad about it, and you don’t have to apologize or anything like that, but it’s fair to both of us if I tell you that I think it’s a deterrent.

Basically, make it clear that her BO is distracting you . Most likely, she does not notice the smell and will be embarrassed. Or she knows about it, but does not suspect that it bothers you so much. Chances are this is also a medical problem, so don’t delay, Sad Lover.

Similarly, you need to approach snoring. She needs to know that it bothers you and your roommates. Tell her that you would like her to stay overnight, but in order to do this, she needs to control her snoring. She may not be able to fix it immediately, but tell her she needs to make an effort. There is no reason to part with this person, the Sad Lover. Cheer up and have a grown-up conversation with the woman you say you love . At least you owe her a lot.

This guy hopes to stumble upon motivation and passion.

Hi, Patrick,

Some advice would be very helpful. I’m only in my thirties, but I’m afraid I haven’t found what I want to do in my life.

I have a decent job (not against anything better), good health, a computer science degree, and some savings. However, I was unable to motivate myself to plan my life instead of living it one day at a time: either by changing jobs, getting a master’s or specialization, or finding my passion.

Sincerely,

Hoping for passion

Hello, I hope for passion:

If I had a nickel for every person in their 20s and 30s telling me they “haven’t quite figured out their life yet,” I could stop trying to figure out my own life and just retire early by bathing with nickel filler. pool a la Scrooge McDuck. This phenomenon is called the “quarter-life crisis,” and in short, you can handle it . Stay on course, carry on, I believe in you, etc.

However, I want to clarify a few things for you. You say you haven’t “found” what you want to do in life, or you haven’t “found” your passion yet. Stop. Passion is not found like a penny on the sidewalk – it is cultivated. You act as if you hope to stumble upon something in the world that will give your life meaning. It’s like walking into a restaurant, looking at an extensive menu, and then hoping that the waiter comes up, pokes the dirty plastic and says, “Here. This is your new favorite food. “

Passion does not choose you, the opposite is true. There is no “god of programming” who from birth selects people who are passionate about computers. There is no “god of painting” who hands a brush to a young artist for the first time. People prefer to get carried away with what they like. So, what do you like, Nadezhda? What makes you happy? What excites you? Maybe this is what you can do, or maybe this is what you do on the side. Not all passion is a career, so be prepared to live with it.

At this stage in your life, there is nothing wrong with living life one day at a time, especially when you have a decent job, good health, some savings, and a rewarding degree. Thank you to your lucky stars for having these things . Besides, planning your whole life is a silly thing to do. You don’t need a road map to mark all your stops, you need a compass. Take some time to determine which direction your needle is pointing at this point in your life, and then follow it.

This girl met her best friend’s “boyfriend’s best friend”

Dear Patrick,

I met my best friend’s best friend. She claimed that this was okay until about two days later she started telling me about her feelings for him, but she never wanted to take him seriously because she didn’t want to risk losing her friendship with him. No one else knew that she treated him that way.

She told me that she just wanted to know if we would become a “thing” so that nothing would blind her. I told her that I don’t know if we are becoming anything, and the relationship is the last thing I want right now, because four months ago I just ended an eight-year relationship.

This guy and I corresponded a lot, and my best friend rushed at me again, because she said that we behave “in the shadows”, because we corresponded all the time, but I did not tell her. I’m just very embarrassed if she wants me to tell her everything, even if it seems that it will offend her feelings.

Sincerely,

Perplexed buddy

Hi puzzled buddy:

Your best friend screwed up. Let’s be real: this “risk of losing his friendship with him” is a terrible excuse she used to make herself feel better. She really likes this guy – obviously – and she didn’t go for it because she was afraid of rejection, plain and simple. And honestly, if she has such strong feelings for him, he’s not really “a guy’s best friend.” He’s a guy: “I hope that if I stay here long enough, he will eventually love me and not someone else.” And now she not only clings to this poor guy in the hope that he will “finally see the magic that has been there all this time”, but also tries to keep him from getting close to anyone else. She tries to block this guy until he falls in love with her. Not cool.

She never told you or anyone else how she felt. So she has no right to be angry with you for what happened. Also, her curiosity is not about avoiding “blinding” (whatever the hell that means), she is scouting to figure out what to do next. She really wants you to tell her everything, but only because she wants to use this information to her advantage.

Honestly, if you really like this guy and see the future with him, stop talking about this to your friend and see where it leads. Your friend is here in the shadows, not you. If she really cared about this guy, she would swear and be happy that he is happy. And if she really cared about you as a friend, she would be happy that you made progress and finally hit the dating pool again.

However, if this guy is just some pointless entertainment on the side and you are worried about ruining your friendship with Miss Creepy Pants, give it up. Your friend is clearly not going to worry about it anytime soon, and there are many other fish in the sea that you can hit. By “fish” I mean guys. And by “boom” I mean boom.

Quickies

Because I just have neither the time nor the patience for all of you …

The disgruntled son says :

I hate my father. He is an arrogant, selfish, immature fool who thinks that talking “to someone” (that is, telling them all the ways they screwed up and how his knowledge alone can save them) constitutes a relationship. We learned last winter that he cheated on my mother for at least a year and now my fucking field is sterile. I don’t want to try to save our “relationship”, so can I give him the verbal whipping that he so desperately deserves, or am I doomed to endure his unwanted, arrogant advice for the rest of my life? I still need to see him at family gatherings, but my ability to contain myself is exhausted, and I fear an explosion eventually.

I don’t understand why not! Regardless of whether you are interested in maintaining your relationship or not, DS, you have to say what you want to say. If you don’t need his advice, tell him so. If you don’t want to talk to him anymore, tell him about it. Don’t let the pressure build up in the direction of this seemingly inevitable explosion. Nothing good will come of it. However, I recommend that you maintain a stylish style when you express your feelings, because if you go down to his level and do nothing better than him. Take it all out openly and move on.

GI george says :

I am a 30 year old college student using the military law and have trouble writing articles on time. I take subjects at a slightly higher level than your average 19-year-old student, but I have less energy and generally work more slowly. My articles are well reasoned and structured, but … I write slowly. On top of that, all of my friends graduated from college at age 20, so they expect me to keep a normal social adult calendar, but I can’t! They don’t remember how it was! Help!

I can only assume that writing this call for help took twice as long as the average counselor seeker, so I sympathize with you (Just kidding and thanks for serving). Everyone reads, writes and learns at their own pace! Your pace is slow . Just think. If it takes you more time to write articles, give yourself more time. I say give because I allow myself to use as much time as you need without looking at it as a disadvantage. If you are doing well with the documents, there is absolutely no reason to change anything and try to “work faster”.

Tell your friends to shut up and let you work on them. Tell them they are welcome if you spend your 20 years guarding them and the rest of the country, but now it’s your turn to learn. Until you finish your work at school, you will be busy differently than they did. That’s all there is to it. Concentrate.

That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and foggy inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). “Until next time, figure it out yourself.

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